fatigue
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By Alexander Thymmons
Written in August of 2007
(then, a rifle platoon leader in the 3RD Stryker Brigade Combat Team“Arrowhead”, 2ND Infantry Division)
Whoopee, new material!!
(New poem, but old frustration... to anybody who can suggest
"Boys don't cry"
Has been my recent state of mind
But I'm sure that it must be a lie
Because now I'm flooding on the inside
I am leaking from the outside
And I am plenty of a boy
I'm afraid to feel nothing
I am happy to feel tired
If that is the one thing I am
Then I am tired
Say it as my first name
As my title
I embrace the fatigue
I do not want to be empty
A friend once told me
To wake up early
And look up to the sky.
The golden sun would light up
The purple winds.
Revealing the hidden creatures above,
Fatigue engulfed me like the idea of prince charming,
But there's no answer to the undoable or the impossible
Except entertaining an animal in this spongy forest.
Oh! I found him.
Raised to work
Raised to survive
Raised to live but never feel alive
Raised to hate by twisted fates from prior hearts that had no ounces
Raised to fail in the eyes of success
I live in constant fatigue
Each day draws ever more energy
from the depleting reserve in my body.
How I want things to change
Aching yearnings and crushed feelings
discomfort and anxiety
Average, never uniform. Irregular. Not consider the 'norm'. Outcasted, rejected, neglected, apprehensive.
Delusional, Alone...
The words stung not only forever ingrained. Becoming forever dynamic. Identity.
