dubito ergo sum
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If you've happened upon my work
I think you should know,
No one who has met me
Knows that I write poetry
Here I pour out my whole heart
For elsewhere I cannot
Sometimes people have the nerve
To call me 'talented'
And it really pisses me off
Talent does not exist
It is a word invented by the untalented
Because they don't understand hard work
People are obsessed with memory
When loved ones die, we keep their photos
Even after their time,
We try so hard to keep things alive
And it makes me wonder
If it was ever willed by the universe
Do not trust scientists,
For the scientists are simply those
Who know how to say 'I don't know'
In the fanciest, most eloquent ways.
Do not heed the words of poets;
We too are blind.
Some call it 'depression' but
It doesn't help to name it;
I always knew I had it
But at some point I became it
Sometimes I'm unable to write
And it scares me
Because when I can't find the words
It feels like I'm dying
So I have to remind myself
That they will come back soon
I remember riding on the train
chugging slowly through the winter rain
drawing pictures in the fog
on the car windows
through the
In the fifth grade, I told my teacher a lie
And she called my mother
And I remember thinking,
'I'm gonna die'
When I arrived home
Mother gave me that look--
The one that says,
Well, I'm writing poetry again.
I used to write when I was younger--
It wasn't good, but it rhymed at least
And after a while I got bored of it
But sometime later in my scholastic endeavors,
When you died
Both of us changed forever
When you died
Part of us died with you
When you died
We lost not one brother, but two
God must have a sense of humor;
I'll bet he laughed plenty
When he decided I was gonna have gray hair
By the age of twenty :(
lonely school nights
avoiding sadness
backspacing the stupid parts
of a text I'm about to send
my bedroom walls
covered in those pencil drawings
my window
One time in school
I was writing a poem about
How I wanted to drown
A teacher saw it
And had the nerve to tell me
She thought my poetry was too dark
I couldn't help but laugh
Life is but a simple game
The one with the knight, rook, and pawn
The question is which piece you are
And, of course, which side you're on
All games begin the same
With a blank slate
I hope
Death is respectful
Enough to Kill me
While I'm young - Before my
Extraordinary possibilities become
Unextraordinary Realities
Before I grow Old and
Spoil
We fall in love
We fall asleep
We fall ill
The things we fall
Are not of our free will
We fall apart
We fall quiet
We fall prey
The things we fall
Are hard for us to say
I know it's vain to wish upon a star
But don't our wishes make us who we are?
It's weird to think how old the starlight is
Took years and years and then some to arrive
Sometimes I wonder if the stars I see
Imagine I said,
'The world is a bad place'
Now think of all the things
That make it bad
List them in your head
Now imagine
That humans did not exist
And try
To list the things
I once knew a girl
Named Laken
Who kissed me in the first grade
I've never met another girl named Laken
My roommate's kinda fat
But he doesn't seem to care
He eats and eats and eats
Then falls asleep in his chair
To be an artist
Is a painful thing
Because your success
Depends on your suffering
To be an artist
Means to hurt professionally.
Should the suffering cease,
Art becomes impossible
'Just go already!' I shout
Charlie arrives at my side and says,
'He's not gonna make it'
Across the yard, Matt considers
The large pile of firewood.
Charlie has no faith
But I've known Matt since
Dying don't get easier
I do it every day
The pain of unrequited love
Will never go away
I am on my bicycle
And clouds hang above
But there are miles between
Me and my home still
The road before me
Is straight as a line
With nothing but trees
On either side
Half my brain says,
'Life is 10% circumstance
And 90% attitude'
The other half says,
'Stop trying to analyze things--
It's pointless'
So I stop thinking
And keep drinking
My head is not a safe place to be
Unfortunately I cannot leave
I am not my body
I am not my words or my actions
Or my success or failure
Or my hopes or dreams
I am only my thoughts
A man can cut down a whole forest of trees
But then he dies
And the trees grow back
‘I don't care what you do to me’ says the Earth
‘After you die I will undo it’
Pain has no friends
She is mean and ugly
But cannot change what she is.
It's true, everyone hates her
If most had the choice they'd ignore her;
She would never be felt.
I used to think I feared insanity
But now I think
I wouldn't mind it terribly
After all,
It can't possibly be
Much worse than
Having clarity and reason;
It is the sane who drink.
You are going soon
Going far away
Your bags are in the car
Your plane leaves at dawn
But you tell me 'don't be sad'
You are still here today
Inside some books
Are spaces bigger than this world
Yet one can fit in your hands
Hundreds can fit on a shelf
You can get lost in them
Or you can find yourself
I'd rather have a moment with true friends
Than live a lonely life that never ends
My home
Is where the pines bend
Where the snow flies
And the wolf hides
Where the light dies
And the sky weeps
Where the bravest of beasts all flee
All my life I've been afraid
Of doubting what I feel
But doubting's how I know I know
I know I know I'm real
People always ask me 'Are you okay?'
And I always answer 'Yes'
Even when I'm not
Because saying anything else
Leads to interrogation
And the only thing worse than feeling bad
I passed a tree
And wondered
How many things it had seen
How many more perhaps than even me
I wondered if trees could hear
What happens in the woods
The things that sleep in the branches
Earlier today there was a fly
Buzzing around my head
And I had a thought:
Flight is a truly spectacular thing
There are so many creatures on Earth
Capable of it
Tonight I was on the bus
And in its pale light
I saw a dirty man
Sitting to my right
His jacket was wet
From rain and mud
And from under his sleeve
Ran a dark stream of blood
At an outdoor restaurant
In Guanajuato
I and a friend saw
A homeless man
Come to ask for money
One of the cooks
Made him something to eat
But the man threw it on the ground
I drink too fucking much
Anyone can see
I hope I break the habit
Before the habit breaks me
I want to have a pet
Who is a good listener
So I can tell it my secrets
And not be judged
Like maybe a turtle
Or a goldfish
Yes, that would be good
A goldfish
Death is not natural
It has been imposed upon us
This is obvious to anyone
Who has looked into another's eyes
Behind them, just there
Is the part of us that we know is forever
What if mankind felt no strife
Like plant life
Which is and is
And doesn't care what's his
Lives long and quiet
They share the air
And truly do not care
That it's not only theirs
I have not yet seen
How beautiful you are
Or how funny or smart
But I know you exist
Because of the love
That is already in my heart
I must be odd, for I have died in dreams
When others say it only makes them wake
And I can't find a cause for heaven's sake
So I endure it ev'ry night it seems
I must be odd, for I feel pain in dreams
Today I saw
The boss's cat
Asleep
On the worktable beside me
And for a
Moment I became
Jealous
That I was not he
I don't wanna die
I don't wanna die
I don't wanna die
I don't wanna die
I don't wanna die
I find solace in the lie
Were our history book not treasured for its own sake,
It would be the worst-selling book in history.
My house has creaky floors
And squeaky doors
I never seem to notice in the light
And though it may sound odd
I swear to God
That somehow they are louder in the night
On her deathbed
My grandmother
In a confused state
Would ask,
'Where are those girls
Singing that gospel music?
Can you hear it?'
But the hospital room was silent
There is no question
I love thee
But lovers we
Can never be
For if you ever
Were to see
This heart of mine
You'd flee
Don't forget my name
Don't forget to call
Take me when you go
Or don't go at all
We drove to the lake
And parked our cars
And went out on the pier
And laid under the stars
I said to my friends,
'What was the best day of your life?'
One said,
'The day I met my wife'
Once I had a frog
(Whom I accidentally dropped)
And to this very day
I don't know where the hell he hopped
There is a feeling we feel
That likes to call itself 'love'
To make us lower our guard
And say things that we don't mean
There once lived a king
Of integrity and renown
But he was growing old
And another would soon have his crown
So the king had to choose
With no kin of his own
Between four of his lords
I did not ask for this life
But you handed it to me
Like the sharp end of a knife
I did not ask for sight
But you gave it to me
In a world of everlasting fright
It occurred to me
While I was drinking one night in October--
Sometimes I am happy
And sometimes I am sober
I met a man once
Who lived out in nowhere
He had two horses and a dog
And a rifle and a tent
But not much else
I asked him,
'Where is your home?'
And he answered,
Going through life
Is sort of
Like walking
Backwards
Because we can see what is past
But not what is to come
And because every step seems
Improper
On mountaintops not many things are seen
Black rock, blue sky
And what exists between
Space
Too vast
And too terrifying to face
Silence
Immense
And awake
Air
Cold
I know
What it is like to be hated
To be treated unfairly and broken apart
And to think I've experienced
The worst of man's heart--
But then I learned
What it is like to be ignored
The fact
That we decided
To put lines
On our maps
Says a lot about
Humanity
Amidst the greatest evils
Of Man--
War
Pollution
Hate
Indifference
