' 'body image' 'mental illness' 'eating disorder' ' happy' 'unhealthy' 'starving' 'recovery'
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The Happy Smile Incantation Poem My smile shining bright, that’s my powerful, healthy drink that’ll help get me healthy and well night and day, brush the overwhelming nightmares away, and there will be no more fright.Seeing the stars of night, tha
Today was a bad day
these days make me feel like my own body needs to pay
I know I should talk to someone
I know I'm not the only one
but its so fucking hard
Seeing my own mom play the "mental hospital card"
Thanksgiving break, my grandma comes with a handful of insults
"You're gonna balloon up," she said once. I said it was fine.
I thought I was fine, I brushed off crumbs of humiliation
The days where it’s bad are the worst.
Any view of it looks wrong.
Every view of it looks wrong.
It warps and twists, shoving me down into a spiral of anxiety and fear.
The porcelain circle is leering at meFull of colorful shapes with facesThe shapes look like foodBut food can't talk.They tell me not to eat them
I am not a model
I will never be a dancer
Or a Go Go boy
Or the calendar image for the month of July
But I am everything it took to stay alive
And I’m sorry if that’s not good enough for you.
I think I always knew I was a little bit messed up in the head,
See with me being so quiet and all as a child
They’d look me in the eye
I wasn't always shining
Summer '19 was when I cracked
The comments, stares
I felt power, but I wasn't done.
I said only 300 calories a day,
then I'd be happy.
I couldn't stand, stay awake