PG13
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I really fucking hope
that she's lying to me
because i thought you broke up
with ivy,
maybe not
maybe i'm being lied to
that wouldn't suprise me
should it not?
I haven’t had any inspiration
Since I left
Because now that I’m gone
I’m not with you
You were my poetry
And now
I’m left
e m p t y…
my headlines for u is real my dining skills are real for u babe dont leave me here in hell with the shit we see and hear
and then I realizedhe was no longer in my worldhe was my worldif onlyi could honestlycall him m n i e
Tell me your late night plansBecause regardless of what you thinkYou’ve never been aloneThere is still light inside of youYou should not be ashamed of who you arePleaseDon’t hide from me
I’m addicted to the way poetry feelsThe way it writesI’m addicted to the way music feelsThe way it flowsI’m addicted to the bladeThe way it cutsI’m addicted to the thought of youThe way it hurts
I’d gladly give you my life
My soul
My heart.
You are worth it all.
I just wish
You’d give the same
In return.
I was grey,
Trying to be yellow,
And he was yellow,
Trying to be grey.
He wanted nothing more
Than to love
And I wanted nothing more
Than to die.
Mixing the two of us
Together
I lie awake at night
Worrying about people
I wonder:
Is there anyone out there
Who has sleepless nights
Thinking about me?
I would sleep much better
If you were next to me
But for now
I’ll settle with being
Your 1 am thoughts.
2 am
And all I can think of
Is the way you look at her
When you lie to me
And tell me you love me.
Because when you flirt with me,
You flirt with her, too.
It’s around 4 am
And it’s not fair
That I’m crying
And hating myself
With a stupid blade in my hands
While you think thoughts
And dream of her.
It was way after
11:11,
But still,
I was thinking of you.
Because you never
Ever
Ever
Leave my mind.
I saw you
Tonight
In the stars.
Twinkling
As you cry,
Shining
Like your eyes.
You are love.
Night is my favourite.
It hides the scars.
It encourages you to think.
It is poetry.
You are my night.
You are my
s a s
t r
The stars,
They shine for you.
The sun,
It rises and sets for you.
The moon,
It joins the night for you.
My smile,
It flashes for you.
My heart,
It beats for you.
want to be the person
You think of in the middle of the night
When you can’t sleep
Or wake up from a nightmare.
I want to be the person
Who the thought of
Makes you feel safe.
I wish every night
At 11:11
Or at the sight of a shooting star
For you.
For the feeling of being
In your arms.
What do you wish for?
Some nights,
I lay awake,
Thinking about how much
I hate my life.
Other nights,
I lay awake,
Unable to control how happy I am,
Smiling like a fool.
A few nights,
One language, One phraseIs not enough.
Not enough to express How I really feel About you.
Te amo,Je t’aime,Aishiteru.
Ek het jou life,Jeg elsker dig,Minä rakastan sinua.
You’re a dork. Nerd chic and cute.
You make me feel worthwhile.
I am a guy when I’m with you.
When you mess up my pronouns, you feel bad.
You feel bad when you’re an ass to my friends.
You are the sun
And I am the moon.
You are the stars
And I am the cloudless night.
You are the air
And I am the lungs.
You are the snow
And I am the rain.
Yes
Or
No?
Which will it be?
I think you can handle
Figuring out what I’m asking.
I think you know.
Because you asked me this question
But I didn’t know
When you look at me,
Your eyes turn the most amazing colour.
They become
The most shocking shade
Of green.
They go from
Mostly brown
To mostly green.
How can
You.
You make me feel secure
In who I am.
You have never teased me
Have never been rude
About my identity.
You say you’re bi
Put I’m trans.
Maybe I’m just an exception?
Please,
always laugh.
When you do,
you get that greenish twinkle
in your brownish eyes.
I can see your perfect teeth
and hear your voice cracking
and see your blush.
I’ve shattered
And left you to pick up
All of my pieces.
But please,
Be careful.
I’m sharp enough
To cut both of us
In the end.
Your smile,
Your laugh,
The twinkle in your eyes.
They are my poetry.
They are my love song.
They mean more to me
Than your silly love songs.
I can’t believe
Just how soon
I can’t believe
I’m leaving you
In this hell
So soon.
I feel awful about it.
Because with each passing day,
You seem more and more lost.
I wish I wasn’t the only one
Doing this to you.
Is it so obscure
For you to feel love
That you think
You don’t deserve it?
I know that.
Trust me.
I hope you realise
Just how much
I really care.
Why’s it so hard
To believe
What you say?
You make me so
Fucking happy, honestly.
I love you.
I still don’t believe you. Sorry.
I think I really love you.
Why is it so hard? Believing?
I’m still wrapped around your finger.
I don’t deserve you. Not really.
You’ve told me many times
That you love me
But each of those times
I hear
I’ll leave you.
I try,
I promise.
It’s just way too hard
To believe
That I can have something
Every day,
I have daydreams.
Pleasant ones
Of you.
Every night,
I wake up
And smile.
You keep the nightmares away.
But with no chance of getting
To call you mine,
When I get upset,
All I can think about
Is holding someone’s hand.
I wish that hand
Could be yours.
Why not?
You can’t see the stars
Without darkness.
A rainbow never shines
Without rain.
Flowers don’t grow
Without fertilizer.
Sometimes you have
To go through shit
To come out a bigger, better,
I’m going to lose you
And you’re going to lose me
Very soon.
I’d be lying
If I said
I could handle that.
There’s still eleven days left
But my heart hurts
Every time I think of it.
Life is worth living
So live another day.
And every day after that.
Don’t spend it
Locked up
In your mind.
Get up
And do things
That make you feel alive.
I think
A date at the museum
Would be pointless
Because even near all of that art,
I’d still stare at you.
Because you are more beautiful
Than any masterpiece.
You are my masterpiece.
My mascara’s hella cheap
But I still don’t want to waste it
On stupid boys like you.
No matter how hard
I try, though,
I still do.
You need to learn
To stay strong for yourself,
Not me.
Because one day,
I’m not going to be in your life
And I’m sorry for that.
But you know I love you,
You know I care,
So take those
Happiness looks gorgeous on you,
My sweet.
You are everything to me
But you don’t know that.
I’m sorry if this makes me seem creepy,
Writing all this poetry about you
And not sharing it.
The act of breathing
Is enough to remind you
That you’re broken.
You’re not whole.
You haven’t been,
Ever.
When I die,
Please don’t cry over me.
Because I will not be able
to wipe away your tears.
You know I’ve loved you,
Always,
Until the day I died.
I can’t care for you anymore,
Life isn’t poetry,
But our hands lock together
Like puzzle pieces
And our hearts intertwine
Like vines on a fence.
We’ll never be as perfect
As our words
On those late nights,
She flirted with death.
So did he.
They both smoked their life away
They both tried endlessly to kill themselves
But their parents wouldn’t let them
Because they were selfish.
They both drank
I’ll never forget you.
I can promise you that.
That’s probably the only thing I can promise.
Until the day I die,
No matter how soon or late that day is,
I will always remember you.
This takes finesse and focus,
None of which you have.
This artful dance
On that fine line
Between love
And hate.
You treat me like shit, sometimes,
But we all know better.
I want to go home
But I’m not sure where that is anymore.
They say home is where the heart is
But I love you
And you don’t love me.
You have my heart
But I don’t have yours.
Can you be home
I don’t have time to feel guilty.
Neither do you.
But we still do,
Both of us.
We both feel guilty
For hurting each other.
I don’t want to live forever
Because I don’t want to watch
Everyone
And everything
I’ve ever loved
Or hated, even,
Disappear from in front of my very eyes.
Especially you.
I see you
At the other end of this table
Smiling,
Laughing.
With her.
The one we both love.
But I love you, too.
I guess you don’t really understand that.
It tears me apart
You always smile
Like you’re about to cry
Your eyes
They get glossy
Your smile wavers
Your mask falters
Your façade crumbles.
You know I love you.
Why can’t you see that?
When it rains,
It aches.
This burning desire
Smolders inside.
The longing for you
Beating inside my chest.
My heart is yours.
I love you.
I didn’t mean what I said
There’s a little truth in everything
But I’ve always been a compulsive liar.
You trusted me
Like I trusted you.
I didn’t mean to break your heart
I started thing of you last night.
I guess I never realized
Just how much I miss you.
I left you
For a boy I didn’t really love,
A boy who didn’t deserve my love.
When I needed someone,
You are my “Amazing Grace”,
That song you are trying to play
Right now, on your guitar.
Your hand’s in a splint
Because you got upset
And punched yet another wall.
You’re so fucking stupid.
I get lost
And stare off into space
When I think of you.
You tease me about my poetry
But I bet you don’t know
That most of it is about you.
You take my depression from me,
Make me smile,
I’m sorry
Was I not good enough for you?
On those late nights,
Drunk on the taste
Of your lips,
Stars illuminating
Your face,
All I could think about was
How I let you down.
Try as I might,
I will never be able
To reach that happiness
That you seem to have found.
Try as I might,
I will never be able
To reach inner peace
Like my mom did.
Try as I might,
I thought I was in love with you,
But you don’t love me back,
So I can’t be
Can I?
You claim you do,
But I see how you look at her
I see the happiness on your face when you’re with her.
Rain
Falling steadily
like I fell for you
drop by drop
breath by breath
slowly
then all at once.
“Life Goes On”
Love wears off.
“Just hold on”
Before the lights turn off.
Those lights
That were always on
The sparkles in your eyes
Reflecting pools of mocha and emerald
I exist, sadly,
Not because I am
And not because I do.
I exist
Because you think I do.
Maybe I’m just a figment
Of your imagination.
Maybe I exist
As a tool for your usage,
The you I thought I knew
Never would have hurt me.
They you I thought I knew
Would never have lied to me.
I thought I knew you.
I thought I loved you,
And I thought you loved me.
How long will it take them to realize
That “you” don’t exist?
That you’re a figment of my imagination
A combination of all I have ever loved,
Ever lost?
A mixture of all the good
And all the bad
The soft ballad
Trickles into my ears,
Dancing down my spine.
Light on guitar,
Heavy on drums and piano.
It exists,
Like me,
Only to amaze you.
If it weren’t for you,
I’d perish
You believed in me
But I guess that’s over.
You loved me,
But that’s no more.
You trusted me,
But I lied.
You thought “till death do us part”
Were our words.
Until the day I died.
No,
I’m not jealous.
I’m just…
I wish I had that.
Had her, or him, or whoever.
Had them.
Wish I had a significant other
Or even a friend
Perhaps someone who cared enough to hate me
Perfect flowers do exist.
But only where the good people are.
When I close my eyes at night—
I like to think that only then am I waking up—and everything else is a dream.
It's not a burning sensation
More like a puffing
As though you wish to look down
See your eyes fall out of their sockets
