The guy by the popcorn stand proceeds to where I stand here.
He’s just a passerby, so there’s no need to fear.
More people enter the main street,
All I can manage to do is walk around as if in defeat.
There’s different music at every block.
I try to take it in as I continue to walk.
For me, this is all new territory.
I try to regain some clarity,
As the scenes continue to go on around me.
I try to stay calm,
Yet all I really want to do is run.
I hang close to my lover’s side,
As if I were blind and he was my guide.
Holding tightly to his hand and forearm,
There’s a voice in my head going off like an alarm.
I try to reassure myself, “you’re safe,
You’re safe, you’re safe.”
This doesn’t stop me from fidgeting with my lover’s hand.
I was afraid this would happen,
Since my home is across the land.
I know that at any moment,
I will start to panic.
I scream in my head.
“Not around new people I just met,
Not around all these people in the crowd,
I begin to steady my breath,
Knowing what is to come before it even happens.
I want everything to end before it even begins,
Yet it has already begun.
I don’t want to stay here,
But it’s this kind of fear that I need to overcome.
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