My dearest Zac,
The words spilled out of your mouth
Apologies fell onto the table
Excuses splashed into my coffee so that it tasted like lead when I drank it.
You took the stars I once saw in your eyes
And they shattered like glass around our feet.
You asked for space
And a collection of other intangible objects
As if I kept them in my pocket.
You gave me every reason to walk away,
But I stayed.
For all my life I wanted you.
You were my dream
I could not bare to let you take the blame for what you did.
Because I knew about it all.
But I knew that I did not have all of you.
That a part of you was always somewhere else.
So I said yes
And yes to things that neither of us wanted to do.
I thought that was the missing piece of you.
And I was right.
But I was wrong to think it would make you want to stay.
See, I was selfish
And you were unfaithful.
But I am sentimental,
And you are convincing.
And so that is why we sit here
Our hurt tingling like electricity in the air
Like flies buzzing in empty heads
Neither of us ready to be the first to walk away.
But I am young
And have not learned
And am still selfish.
And so I sit here,
Planted in the past,
Clinging to my childhood dream of us,
And make you be the one to get up from this table
And walk out the door
Into the cold and lonely night.
Until we meet again,