This is to you, I'm healing my wounds

Wed, 07/09/2014 - 20:16 -- shallyp
1: eat, sleep, poop, repeat. 
6: I remember purposefully biting my lip in kindergarden because my teacher would give us popsicles to ice the cut.
8: My mom took me to the beach. We were on the swings when she told me my father was in prison, my sister is my half sister, and the dad I thought was my dad was her's. 
10: I told my crush that we were too young to date. I cried in the bathroom stall the next day when he said had a new girlfriend; her name was Destiny.
12: My favorite cousin touched me, in plain sight, under a blanket in the living room. I was his favorite uncle's daughter. 
12: He later then spanked me when I was in his room. He's my second favorite cousin now.
13: I was walking home from school and watched Sponge Bob in my grandma's room when the smell of Heineken and cigarettes filled the air. My mom's ex boyfriend slid under the blanket beside me. Nothing more, nothing less
13: I walked out of the room and cried on my bathroom floor
13: I scrub myself until my arm starts to ache in a burning shower.
13: I never told my mom
13: My sister wanted to kill herself.
15: He sent me a picture of his cuts and threatened to kill himself if I didn't go back to him.
16: I met my father for the first time. 
17: I still haven't told my mom
17: I wanted to kill myself
17: My sister slipped a knife into her bag after an argument with my mom
17: I've never cried and begged so hard in my life
17: I had a anxiety attack on a plane after I was triggered when watching The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
17: Things got better
18: First cat call from a truck filled with men
18: I walk away as fast as I can
18: I'm terrified of walking home alone. 
18: I still haven't told my mom
18: This year I'm graduatng. I'm simultaneously excited and scared to death
23: I'll graduate from UVA with no lower than a 3.5 GPA
24: I'll be admitted into an occupational therapy program
32: I wouldn't tell my mom then either
35: I will have a family to look after.
45-75: live a prosperous life filled with happiness.
When I grow up, although it may not compare to the hardships of others, I want to come to terms with my past. When I grow up I want to not be ashamed of who I am or how I handled some situations I was placed in. When I grow up I want to not feel guilty anymore. When I grow up I don't want to feel disgusted with myself, but rather love myself, like how I once did. I hope when we grow up we realize the past does not define who we are. We are more than our faults. We are resilient. Nothing can stop us. 


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