What is it like not to hurt
I wonder
What is it like to not be filled with pain
I wonder
What is it like to live every day
Healthy, safe, free
With just what you need
And knowing everything is okay

I wonder.

Are there really people like that?
People who just don't understand?
Who just go in living their lives without
The anxiety that forces my hand in every part of my life
People whose bodies don't ache
Who aren't dying in pain
Who believe that there's good in everybody without a refrain?

I wonder.

Or maybe am I the odd one
Confused, uncertain how to hold on
With heart heavy from a simple conversation while the other person just goes on normally livin'?
Is this really the life I've been givin'
Or is it the one that I deserve
Or am I just growin' and rowin' so that one day I'll have no fear
Because I'll tell you now
I'll tell you
I'm afraid
Afraid of the future, afraid of the choices I've made
Am I insane?
Or are there others out there?
What is it like living a life where the world is just and fair?
Will I be okay?
I keep telling myself yes, but I'm not sure.
Breathe in, breathe out. Let your rational mind take it from here.

I know that there are people out there who love me
I know they don't know what it's like to stand where I stand
But damn
Yes! They still want me
How can I be so lonely
When I'm so loved?
This disease in my mind lies to me.

What is it like to live free of these mental chains
I know I must go on and I'll live another day
Yes! This all must be worth it somehow and if not
I'll make it worth it, it's the only chance I've got.