What I Didn't Tell You

Every time you ask me how I'm doing
I tell you I'm good
That life is great
That I'm happy
What I didn't tell you
Is that I haven't slept in three days
That my mind is exhausted
What I didn't tell you 
Is that I spent three hours
Staring at the same spot on my ceiling
At 3 o'clock in the afternoon
Watched the shadows changing on the walls 
Like my demons were dancing in my darkness
I didn't tell you how I locked myself in the bathroom
Stood in the shower for 45 minutes
Like I was trying to wash away my pain
It didn't work
I don't tell you
I haven't eaten in four days
Every time I try my stomach starts fighting and I can't find the strength to defend myself
That the other day I stood up too fast
And my mind has been tilting ever since
I didn't tell you what the voices have been saying
Have been yelling.
Like my mind is a broken record stuck on the same song
Tell me, how can you stop something that isn't actually there?
I don't tell you
That every time I look at a car
I wonder how bad it would hurt 
To crash and burn
If it would even be worth the effort of dying
I wonder why I can't stop thinking about dying
I don't tell you how much I don't want to even be living
But how do you explain the feeling of not wanting to exist?

This poem is about: 


Additional Resources

Get AI Feedback on your poem

Interested in feedback on your poem? Try our AI Feedback tool.


If You Need Support

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741