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I shall never comprehend what it feels like
to know that you could change everything,
in just the same way that you could carve out life

like an ice sculpture 
into a beautiful design, but choose to keep it 
square and regrettable instead.

I shall never understand how to make a career out of keeping people from dismantling.
or those who tried and tried to set fire to the words stuck in their lungs with cigarettes,
only to find them burning themselves permanently into their organs.
There are so many things I shall never understand

About trying to keep everyone around you afloat

And sacrificing your lungs

Filling them with water while you struggle to stay afloat

And they gulp down the unfortunate air from things that are built to kill.

There are so many things I shall never understand


I think the worst part is feeling empty, and not knowing why,
or even what is missing, is when you try to fill up the space with other things 

And when people reach out for those things

To fill the spaces left behind by divorced parents, ex lovers and deaths in the family

Sometimes they pick items of their own destruction

And I shall never understand

Trying to replace the destruction with seeds that will grow flowers in the darkest parts of their mind

Fill their withered lungs with the purest oxygen

And Give them strength to swim so that maybe

Maybe your water logged lungs can have a break

these days, but alone is alone when you leave what you once
called home.

Maybe They’ve just  spent too long inhaling without the exhale,
that  my effort never found a way to make it,
When I try and I try

sentiments I constructed like paper back romance,
but I do know that one day the novacaine they’ve injected
into their hearts will wear off, and I don’t know who will be sorry they didn’t let me help
or who will have moved on

I will never understand

Why some people refuse to let others help to keep the pain of longing and mistakes at bay.




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