Mind whirling 

Hands shaking

 Not knowing what to do 

Being utterly unable to push through 

Seeing my goal slip past my hand 

All my confidence slips by like sand 

What do I do now?

 Can I make every thing ok, how?

 There are promises I wanted to keep

 Things over which I never wanted to weep

 But here I am again 

Into the hole I have fallen.

 So I do what I know, I pretend

 It washes over me like an old friend.

 I hide and I lie, 

I also really try 

To make what I put forth 

all the pain worth.

 But it does not come with ease, 

And now I am begging on my knees. 

Please don't make me explain,

 Don't put me through this again.

 I wanted to be better 

You know, a regular go getter.

 but I have failed once more.

 And you can be sure  

that I am harder on myself than any. 

and if you want reasons I have many. 

But mostly I am just scared, 

but also fully prepared 

 to face up to what I did 

for I could not match my bid. 

So please don't yell, 

because as I have tried to tell 

I really wanted to be good.

 and it is completely understood,

 that what I did was bad.

 so I ask you not to be mad.

 I don't know how to carry on,

 How to function is apparently beyond 

 me