The UnBeautiful Abortion


 I am not used to this pain that my body has gained. My comfortability has come to an end.My sin is the sin of a seed that was sent to destroy me before I even began.I would rather that I returned back to the old me. The free me.Wondering when will this burden inside ever free me.Taking from me all of me.Selfish child, you could never love me!If you did you would leave me, leave me be.To myself and desires, playful enquires of a young girl who only wishes to live higher.Higher than this calling of biological adoption. Adoptin' a new life to heed to. Do I really need to?Because truth of the mistake you are is... look here...I don't really need you!Nor do I deserve you. For what sin could I have committed to reward something so painful and distasteful.Excuse my realness of reality, never meant to sound so hateful.But you are what you are and I am who I am. Before there was ever you, there was me. So why should you interrupt my plans?!?My plans to be more than a nursery for the helpless. A caterer for the feeble.A mother to this child. Why must you be so cruel and evil.So weak and needful. A disgrace to my name-My only shame, was the day I seen that piece of plastic tell me that I would endure this pain.I never asked you to interrupt my plans, remember I am who I am with or without your consent.And your conspiracies to commit this crime called childhood I whole heartedly resent-I resent The day you ever met me. It was like losing my worth. Something like hell on earth.The day that I discovered that my precious body would reproduce and painfuly give birth.To a needy, crying, wailing insecurity. I see- that you are nothing but a little version of me.Still I crave for my own spotlight of praises and value.Did you really think that I would ever raise you with value? Take the time out to embrace you with "how-to's".Direct you in the path of righteousness and endow you...?With a legacy of greatness. I could never fake this. I hate this!And I'm praying that the good Lord, would soon and very soon come take this.Replace this- gift He has given with a better gift of fortune.I warned you, that I-I-I would never want you!Take the time out to love and kiss you.wrap my arms around you to warm you.So now it's on, to the next one. The next big adventure in life.The next thrill, the next high.Anything that will take me away from my-My debt to another, I'm not ready to be your mother.So to take away my pains, I would rather watch you suffer.It will only last a moment I promise and in the end you will find rest and peace.Sleep.I told you, you won't feel that much misery.And again I will be free. Free. Free.From those chains that you bestowed upon me.All that time you took from me, Imagine how much you really do owe to me.No more thoughts of staying up late night, watching you as you watch me.No more warmth in my bosoms, comfort in my voice, as I lullaby you to sleep.To never hear you say mama, or see you walk, to never see your smiling face.I guess these are the consequences, prices and the pleasures that I willingly have to pay.So take my actions as your favor, as I induce this evil would have never wanted my child to be.I have no love for who you are, none left to givefor I am completely and totally in love with only me.Goodbye. 


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