I miss him, him, her, them.
I have lost myself mentally,
Giving to everyone.
It's easier than facing my mistakes.
Giving to others is more rewarding than,
Giving to myself.
I am unworthy. Hopeless. Dreaded in sorrow.
Unable to grieve.
Right now I'm battling the next thing.
Who am I?
What have I become?
A cocoon is what I've built to isolate.
A dark hollow shell is my home.
Waiting to bloom into a butterfly.
Ripping off the skin of my sins.

I am drowning in loneliness.
Recollecting shame, disappointments...
Harassment. Abuse. Deception.
The will to regain innocence.
To become purely imperfect.

The desire to hug, caress a warm body in sincerity.
To be truly loved.
To be given the admiration I've offered to others.
To sacrifice possessions. Gamble with the odds of life.
Hoping for the betterment of another.

With that somebody, still, able to look me in the eyes.
To say I forgive you.
To say I will always love you.
To never give up.
To have the same humble compassion.
To have the will to act upon spoken words.
To repair broken promises with heartfelt remorse.
To take each day as it comes.

Therefore, when I fly,
That somebody will have the ability to let me be.
With assurance that I can never leave forever.
If one day, I can find my dream.
Chase it and live in it.
Bask in my imagination and escape my prison.
That will be the death of me.
I will rest in peace.

I vow to protect myself internally.
Externally I will heal, or whither into dust.
That is inevitable.
I vow to forgive and mourn my grief.
To accept that my judgement is insufficient.
To remain lowly and appreciative of what I have.
To tame my ego, transform into an eagle and rest,
On the shoulders of wisdom and mercy.
To resolve issues I am fit to fix.
And to allow life to continue moving in it's orbit.
To be productive and also to know when to remain silent.
To filter out the toxins and poisons so potent in my heart.

If I am able to escape the infinite quicksand of time.
Then I will rest, resurrect and fly.

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This was awesome!!!

Enigmatic Pariah

This was a very somber, yet moving, poem. I love the reflective, introspective, tone that it takes: your awareness of your strengths and imperfections, your appreciation of possibilities and impossibilities, how in touch you are with yourself, your hope for self-betterment... the ending of the poem on a hopeful note.

This was very refreshing to read, like you tore out a page from the book of your soul.

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