Tired of Pretending

I plaster a fake smile on my face
day to day.
Hiding my sadness and pain,
holding the hurt inside.
Walking around saying
"Everything is fine",
acting like I am happy,
as if I'm okay,
but I am not. 


I hide inside.
Because I'm scared.
Terrified of what people will think,
how they'll act if they knew,
and if they would treat me different.
I don't want to be afraid.


I crave happiness again.
I wish to love myself
and the world around me.
I want not to deal
with this sickness that
we call depression because
it's fucking terrible.
Nobody should have 
to deal with the thoughts
that run through my head.
They shouldn't have the scars
that I have on my body
from physically harming
myself on the outside
in attempt to kil
my demons on the inside, and 
they shouldn't hate life like I do.
They shouldn't have to pretend
every day to be happy,
like I do.


I'm tired of not being happy.
I am sick of being sad.
I'm done with not being able
to sleep at night
because I over think
all the thoughts that
cross my mind.
But most of all,
I'm sick and tired of pretending 
to be this person that
I am not. 


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