i've tried to forget him, really i have

but whenever its quite my thoughts drift back

back to times when things were a dream

a cloud of happiness and thoughts of cream

 

i was left in the dirt 

alone in the rain

who is he to leave me in such pain?

all i can do is feel the hurt

 

the pain and the sadness

the rage and the tears

my green eyes are grey

with the guilt and the fears

 

i miss him i miss him

i needed him here

but when all was said and done

i wasn't as dear

 

dear to him as he to me

just some dumb girl

to be used and abused

without a plea

 

plea for happiness or joy in her life

someone whose love is worth only strife

whose jealousy and vanity will torture her

haunt her for all her life

 

even yet i hope and i pray

that God will send me, give me a day

to hug him and cry

and be held in return

 

cry away the pain and the nightmares

and forget this whole thing

or to look him in the eye 

and take up on wing

 

i see his name

his face is ever there

his words ever haunting

im losing in his game

 

he said it was for my own good

i wish it were true

however my color has changed

from Red to Blue

 

maybe maybe

we'll see we'll see

why dont you slay me

and leave me be?

 

tears have run dry

my stomach shriveled up

my eyes dull and listless

tell me one more lie

 

for my sanity

for my pride

tell me you love me

be my guide

 

you were always dangerous

like a tiger

when you grew serious

'i don't care'

 

words like a knife blow

claws on my chest

don't you understand

i didn't care that you were best?

 

at everything, i didn't mind

but once i lost it

temper said words

in which fault you find

 

one time

seven words

time stops

on a dime

 

i understand consequences

you don't understand forgiveness

in the end

God is the only witness

 

i did everything you asked

always loyal, always true

comforted when you were blue

i planned my life around you
 

now the calendar's empty

my head hurts

no food can tempt me

take me back!

 

back to the start

when we smiled and laughed

when you loved me truly

back to my happy heart

 

the nights are lonely

no one talks like you do

people are hurtful

back then, i could confide in you

 

the chill in the air

freezes the pieces 

of my life

all as cold as your stare

 

him him

you you

do as you do

excuse my pain as a whim

 

laugh at my sorrow

pretend it's not there

wake up tomorrow

without a care

 

i thought i could trust you

imagined you always there

in ignorance believed 

you'd be there for me too

 

stupid stupid girl

to believe all the sweet words

the promises

all lies! strictly for the birds

 

take me away

to a happy place

full of grace and play

where daises dance and bluebells sing

 

give me a timepiece

a potion

a spell

take away the feelings only he can quell

 

i am laid low 

because of my mistake

penance penance

this is my parting blow

 

i'm sorry, can i say it much more?

but nothing will change

you want no part of me

you've closed the door

 

i close my eyes

and swallow the poison

who could love a pitiful girl,

who only cries?

 

hateful

resentful

jealous

callous

 

who could ever love a girl like this?

certainly no a boy

with shining blue eyes 

and the sweetest kiss

 

i understand

but i'm so confused

there was no contest

so how could i lose?

 

i'll always be scum in your eyes

no hellos or goodbyes

only pain, only hurt

is there nothing i can do?

 

you won't speak to me

miss your messages

miss your hugs

i'm too low to be

 

your girlfriend

your companion

your friend

your partner

 

i said no for a reason

at least i can say that 

so when this happened 

i can combat

 

your friend's terrible words

they aren't true

i am still pure

no thanks to you

 

your pressure

your guilt-trips

your pathetic lies

all words on your lips

 

i hate you

i love you

i cant be without

i cant live on with

 

the snow is so cold now

my body so weak

if i lie for awhile

perhaps sleep will allow

 

allow a moment of rest

i need the peace

let the frost cover me

you're the best

 

are you happy now?

happy to be the best?

pleased that i am so hurt?

six feet in the dirt

 

you would have me beneath you

like a dog

or just avoid me, the plague

like a coming fog

 

i quit your game

my heart is a hole

my body remains

take aim

 

silver bullets

you remember?

you always recalled my faults

but they were as obvious as it gets

 

lay be me 

as my last request

kiss my brow

and let me rest

 

away from the sorrow

away from the pain

leave me to lie

ne'er to wake again.