Suffocated drowning

most would call it an asthma attack , i call it letting people share in the moments that take my breath away

but instead of a moment ... it was a woman who made breathing as hard as trying to catch a cab in the middle of rush hour in new york city

i saw myself by her side of every waking moment... but sadly i was the only one with that vision

she was standing above that pit they call the friend zone encouraging me to climb out but as soon as my fingers clenched the edge she would kick me back down but start begging me to climb up again.. and i couldnt stop

It was like being stuck underneath the ocean

im swimming to the surface.. but as soon as i emerge another wave topples me down

but hope floats and these feelings refuse to sink

so keep pushing me down because your air is what i love breathing , i want to keep trying i have to keep trying

its like being burried alive , left only trying to scratch your way through the top of the coffin but once you do , your only burried underneath the dirt again

but im not ready to die

i wanna live by your side

its like being stuck in a vacuum literally having the life sucked out of you

but you can take everything but this heart because you cant take what already belongs to you

but when you have an attack you have an inhaler

and when you cant breath there is always a respirator

but there is no cure for this intoxicating irrational disease called love

but im ready to dive in with no oxygen tank

im ready to knot this noose

im ready to jump without a chute

because the simple thought of you is enough to give me courage

and its strange because im addicted to suffocating

attached to drowning

and in love with pain

hoping for one i love you

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741