Drowning
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I never want to hurt you
I want to be like this forever
I hope I didn’t hurt you
Ooh I hope this doesn’t hurt you
—
Lies, all the lies you speak
Empty broken promises
Yet your spirit is so care-free
Why?
Why does your acid only eat at me?
Fragments of trust
Broken, lay at my feet
Your lies have cut me
My hushed breath whispers to burlap sails on distant seas,
Wrenched from my teeth and thrown to the breeze like confetti,
In the flailing arms of cerulean waves;
Filling my cavities with the hollow sighs of whales
Rough waters engulf me,
Swallow me whole
I can't breathe,
If I even want that goal
I'm forever trapped in this pitiful prison,
With cold, dark water filling my mouth,
My throat,
Anxiety
Makes your mind create
A cosmic blank space
Encircling you 360°
The emptiness in its totality
Wearisome to handle
Knowing uncontrollably
You sink gradually
𝕴 𝖗𝖊𝖒𝖊𝖒𝖇𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖇𝖊𝖆𝖈𝖍
𝕿𝖔𝖘𝖘𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖎𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖊𝖆
𝕾𝖊𝖓𝖘𝖊𝖘 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖋𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖉 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖐𝖎𝖈𝖐𝖎𝖓𝖌
𝕾𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖈𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖇𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖍
𝕳𝖆𝖓𝖌𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖉𝖔𝖜𝖓𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖉
𝕱𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖈, 𝖋𝖆𝖈𝖊 𝖙𝖔 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖋𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖗
How simple is the solution really?
Is it really that easy to live with these feelings?
Can I learn how to live while hating myself?
Can I function in day to day life without some kind of help?
TRIGGER WARNING :: mentions of suicide ::
I think to myself ‘This feels like drowning,’
As my tears fill my bathtub.
This feels like dying,
as my tears tie themselves around my neck.
I'm crying a whole ocean
Yet you won't swim out to me
The tide pulls in and out
My restless body like waves
Bending and reaching to feel you in my arms, again
Was it the same when you kissed him?
You know, when you’re drowning, you don’t actually inhale until right before you black out.
The instinct to not let any water in is so strong that you won’t open your mouth until you feel like your head’s exploding.
The clouds held no light,
For there was not another in sight.
Artificial tears fell down her cheeks,
just as carefully as she could speak.
Her hope was lingering.
An anchor tied,
around my head
push me off.
I'll sink to bed.
Sleep among,
the reef and fen,
And hope I never wake again.
Darkness is to me,
Like demons are to Hell.
My cold and lonely residence
Kept hidden in this shell.
"I'll teach you how to smile", they say
"I'll teach you how to shine.
I'll teach you how to love,
The concept of abstract thought
Is so unfathomable, that in our own perspective
We can fathom it
Can picture it in our mind's eye and clutch it like the last life line of a sinking ship
It feels like i'm drowning
Like i'm trapped under the surface
Screaming for help but nobody can hear me
And everythings starting to get dark
Down the rivers, waterfalls, lakes, streams, creeks
The waters should be wary of the company that comes close to its mud rich borders
Listen close, not to the woods that gives you its greetings
He wants the one whose Whistle blew,To lynch him and to beat him blue. The donald never stops to think,He neither reads & has no Clue. His Fall will come and Soon and Swift. We will soon have a Seismic Shift.The donald then, will be exposed,He
When I was drowning, you saved me
You pulled me from the waters cold grasp
And lifted my head above the waves of my own depression
And for that you were my hero.
I let my head fall back
Held up by nothing but the buoyancy of salt and water
My body relaxes, slowly sinking down into the depths
A million shades of blue.
Some days I feel like a burning candleLong forgotten and wearing thinUntil finally I run outUntil finally I drown myselfUntil finally my light goes outAnd it’s all my fault
[Major trigger warning: graphic first-person
perspective of a suicide attempt by drowning.
Please call your local crisis hotline if you need to.
Getting deprived of air
Fighting to survive
The pain I can't bare
Slowly closing my eyes
Next moment body on the ground
Choking up water
My screams are very loud
Like being through slaughter
Her lips were red like she had been drinking all the poisonousness of this world or the blood of dead roses.
Her eyes had a color of regret maybe because she had been thinking and wondering the deepest rooms of her soul,
lying down in the bath makes the water
slop over the side of the tub
and spill onto the carpet
I close my eyes regardless,
the tip of my nose just
It's simply futile treading cold water
Rising past my green ankles
O how its barbarous teeth bite and sting!
My toes are engulfed by sea's spiteful jaws
Veins pierced by blind eyes;
I hear the sound of water,
gurgling, flowing, breathing with life
The sound of water slapping stones,
pushing past the verdant reeds
I hear the water join the song of a child,
I am the ocean. So deep. You couldn’t possibly see everything inside of me. And why would you want to? It’s dangerous. It’s dark. You can’t breathe. I try to pull you inside because I want to feel closer to you.
I wonder if you know that I love you
With all of my broken, twisted love,
With all of the love you threw back at me,
And all the indifference you used to drown me.
I fight the love you give me;
Ever been so far gone, you felt alive
A brisk walk under the moon turned to running for your life
Risking a moment’s glance, to be bitten on the side
Screaming and flailing, you cry for help
I feel like I'm drowning in your words and every time I open my mouth to breath, I lose more air.
Dear Depression,
Another day has come and gone
with moonlit rays receding to the approaching dawn.
Why, oh why, do you make me feel all alone
even with friends coming to and fro?
Being an adolescent is a roaring, ever-changing ocean
and the new experiences are brave, plummeting waves.
However at times, I feel as little as a sail boat-
being drowned by an avalanche of furious waves.
Eu estive no oceano por tanto tempo que eu esqueci que eu estava me afogando,
Quando cheguei à costa - pés na areia - a gravidade me atingiu,
E eu colapsei na praia, enquanto tentava encontrar o equilíbrio,
I've been in the ocean for so long that I forgot I was drowning,When I arrived to the shore - feet on the sand - gravity hit me, and I collapsed on the beach, as I tried to find balance,I get up, and I looked at the horizon one last time,And I kne
There are things in the shadows
That dare come out into the day
And grasp at my hands to tow
Me far away.
Alone I am nothing,
Gone in the tides,
But with you I am something
Every time I feel like drowning I just think of all the things I have in life.
I try to be happy, but I don’t know what true happiness is.
I want to walk upon the waters, but it seems so inviting.
I may just tumble down to the depths and feel my last breath.
I want to lay on the ocean floor.
I want to watch as my last breath rises to the surface without me.
Ok. We need to talk about swimming. Going to the pool and running into friends is something most people love.
The feeling of the refreshing air and the warmth of the summer sun just feels so good.
Today marks the middle of August, And quite possibly the middle of my life. But how can that be true when I’m only 16? Do I have a disease? Did I get into an accident that shortened my life? Or may it just be because of the people around me. Calli
In her heart just beneath her skin lays a tin pitcher.
The spout along with it's sides covered with frost from the coldest of water.
Parched lips long for a drink.
But without cup or glass.
I told you I was water.
You said you loved the rain.
Yet, my touch made you shiver.
And it turns out
That depth terrifies you.
And I,
Well I was the ocean.
-Harleigh Stillwell
4-12-17
What’s your worst nightmare?
Is it
The way water
Engulfs you,
Imprisons you,
And slowly steals your breath?
Or,
The pounding of the drum at the end of the percussion line resonates through the air.
The powerful vibrations tickle my skin when standing too close,
The steady bam, bam, bam echoes through the quiet room.
Forgive me for I cannot see
My eyes have been taken,
My body into the sea
A bag of bones floating on the river's surface
A victim of circumstances,
Out of my control,
My soul cries,
Enough to drown me.
Leaving me to try and try
To save myself.
But also hoping
That someone else will rescue me.
Mi peca, Oh Lord
It's dragging me down
Filling me with pride
Drowning me in sorrow
Mi peca, Oh Lord
It's tearing me apart
Filling me with dread
Drowning me with tears
How could you
how could you love me
and then leave me
how could you tell me
we were forever
and then cut me off
like a sensless piece of string
hanging off of your beautiful body
The week has just started
And I'm drowning in a flood
Of papers and anxiety
In homework and insomnia.
The halls are much too crowded,
There is no spaces in the rooms,
My head is over crowded
She wore her hair a certain way, so she could cover her face.
No one would question her puffy eyes, it was her disguise.
He saw her once; her hair all down,hiding her face filled with disgrace.
diving into the depths of the pool
where the water looks bluest
sitting on the bottom
crumbly white scraping my skin
hearing nothing but still
absence of sound
so glaring
Why do I learn?
To someday be wrong
Why do I sing?
Just words and no song
Why do I cry?
I haven't lived long
Why do I struggle?
With no visible end
Why do I smile?
The lemon grass scent belonged to her pecan tinted skin.
Her stare soft but filled with a pinch of fear.
When the breeze roared and fell on us heavy like a brick.
"It's hard enough to live
Without the hurt and pain
But I can't seem to win
Or stop the awful shame
But since I'm not seen at all
I watch my spirit fall
And try to find a way
Anchors, cast iron
claim center and hold her steady,
in the light,
in the dark.
Anchored in the light place
she need not exert.
Warm tendrils caress her,
As a child you swim.
Contently.
Naiively.
Ignorant of the evils lying below.
Waiting.
Watching.
As you grow,
there's a weight added to your ankle,
every year you turn older.
I laugh to keep from crying
All the fake crap they are buying
They don't know what to do
I begin to drown in an ocean of blue, only to realize I've forgotten my life jacket.
These eyes, they take me without invitation.
I'm sucked into a whirlpool that leads to an endless gaze.
They’re pulling me down
I can’t make a sound
They’re holding me under
I can’t help but wonder if this is my fault
Balance my heart with a stoneYou will see that I'm sinkingI can barely breathe above the wavesBalance my mind with a cloudYou will see that I am soaringDancing with the wind
If I knew what drowning felt like, I might say I was
If I could find myself, I would start looking
If I could become water, maybe I wouldn’t drown
The weight does feel like endless fluid
once I was floating in the water with care
I was quite young and the sea was new there
and though I trusted it soundly
Who the hell am I?
If number’s don’t define me
If my body doesn’t define me
If my appearance doesn’t define me
If money doesn’t define me
Then what makes me who I am?
Personality?
I'm stuck in this quicksand of expectation.
There's no where for me to go but down.
To the bottom of the hole.
But is there a bottom?
My heart drops every time I think about the boy’s body sinking to the bottom of the pool on that one, beautiful day in May.
I had my head beneath the water
I was about to take a breath
To let the quick intake of dark liquid
cleanse me with death
I remember the pain.
The relentless,
nauseating pain cutting through my gut
the second I mistakenly glanced his way.
I craved him
with the senseless hope
he craved me back.
Some days she laughed
and it felt like sunshne on my skin,
and when she smiled it smelled like sugar.
But some days she cried.
Oh, some days she cried.
And the car has never been so cold.
The candle flame burns too hot. The flickering of its wic dances in the over heated breeze. This breeze offers no respite from the smoldering need.
10am, down the first glass
Drink off a half-remembered past
Dream-dappled sleep can't shake
Floor 89.
I think I'm dying,
Could it be that I have forgotten how to breathe?
In and out with every breath my lungs repeat
life
drowning
yanked into the current
arms flailing, head bobbing
struggling to stay
We had an argument.
I was mad.
And now I'm just upset.
I wanna talk to him
I hope he's not mad
I wonder
If he still thinks about me
I'm thinking about him
You broke my heart when you sai goodbye
You made me cutt and want to die
You told me you love me and that you cared
You even got me a cute teady bear
I gave you my heart
And you tore it apart
i look at this blank page; or
I I try to see bend the words
Flowing from my own pen
I look and I won't see the the truth in the words I write-
I will look and I won't see that my mind is in a fight
AS darkness takes over
my plea is to be free,
but all it does
is take over me.
I hope for a candle,
but no, it's to bright.
so instead,
I search for the right.
You are in my darkness,
Counselor: How bout we start by you telling be about yourself
ME: *sigh*
So where do it start?
Everyday I wonder why
Everyday I look into your eyes
I see what I don't want to be
Everyday I picture a dream in my head
One so profound I feel as if it can never be crushed
Collapsing under the pressure of knowledge,
Sleeping starts to sound way better than college.
As I strive to have my educational needs met,
the more frustrated I seem to get.
I've been pulled out to sea,
Dragged underwater,
Drowning.
But physically, I am smiling and free.
A stranger...
A feeling...
True or not
Days, Months, Years...
Friends, Best friends, lovers...
One day, eyes are on her
Slowly Slowly dissapear infront...
of my eyes...
I feel like I’m drowning
In a sea of people,
Whose thoughts and ideas
Overpower mine.
I’m just one person
With thoughts and ideas that seem far too alien, too simplistic.
Keeping these thoughts from driving
me crazy,
I watch the twist and turns of reality
and my life just passing by,
Morning mist settles silently upon the pond.
A chilling dampness curses this horrid ground.
Nothing stirs or voices opinion.
Once full of life, now desolate, cold.
No frogs singing, dragonflies dancing, ducks diving.
i am in titanium cuffs locked by my inner thoughts
im chained to a brick wall with chains crafted by my dark past
i am bundled and gagged with rags weaved from my own fear and doubt
and i have lost control.
most would call it an asthma attack , i call it letting people share in the moments that take my breath away
“Depression”
I’m tired of wearing the painted grin
That mocks me and all of my sin.
The pain of my soul and my mind
You say that I've changed
but you're the reason i'm so cold.
Get out of my head,
the fights quickly get old.
You've made me so heartless
something I knew nothing of.
Once you broke my heart,
The quiet darkness that
slipped in through the tiniest
slits and sat
growing and festering,
Has all but swallowed me whole.
Thick black curtains sequestering
the light with in my soul.
Such a beautiful soul
Flying free
Soaring over mountains
Limitless as can be
No one can bring her down
Such a beautiful soul
Flying free
Soaring over mountains
Limitless as can be
No one can bring her down
I dream in black and whiteI bleed the color of your eyes
All I can see is your lipsGently glazing over mine
As the sun setI saw my rose petals in the flame
drifting through time
with no one to be
why cant anybody see me?
i do my best
for all to see
but no one
notices me
im in all the plays
and all the pictures
There is nothing left of me
Disappeared into the sea
I understand this is the end
Even without a single friend
And so I realize
I simply idealize
So I fight for another breath
The Dark that cones, the dark that rises. The darkness that is the light, in all my wrong doing. If you protect me from myself, your protecting me from THE DARKNESS.
I need faith,
for i am faithless,
the demons in my dreams.
the darkness in my heart,
there is no light in my heart.
what i don't understand,
Love you "say" but its not true.
Its just another word for "forget you"
Told me you love me, told me you cared. But why arent you standing here?
You made it up didnt you? just to fill in the blank.
I love you,
Frantically,
like drowning lungs
love the drop
that stops them
come to me
ease what these other men
have done
be the one
Broken pieces
Shattered heart
My life just seems to fall apart
But there's nothing that I can do
Hiding what's inside
showing what's not really there and
Leaving behind my feelings for you
I don’t understand why it is so hard
For you to suck up your ego for 2 seconds
and let your guard down
You see I need some answers
because the pain is back.
It isn’t pulsating and waking me at 2:43 am
There is a sadness that grows inside of me somtimes.
Almost like water. Almost like him.
It crashes through the shore and breaks through the sand.
At times It can take down cities; its destroyed many lands.
Women in my family dream of gentleman
tender and loving but fall for brutes
whose vice like demeanor asphyxiates
our self respect
Who else will love us?
We demand
I hate the crowd, the wrong crowd
That keeps me in,
I'm drowning now.
And there's no hope
No lovely hope
To keep me safe, to keep me sound.
I fall too easy, and I can't swim
Deep breaths drawing in nothingRunning out of airOnly now starting to panicWondering what went wrongNot able to struggle much longerIt starts to get blurryNo longer strugglingGrey eyes close
with arms outstretched ifall down intorising water
turbulent and ragingis my seashe swallows me whole
carnivorousand i am being engulfedinto azure
Slice
drip
slice
drop
a pattern i wont soon repeat
something inside me changed one day, my thoughts held a fog over them.
It made it diffulct to see
slice
drip
slice
"Man overboard!" "Run the sail!" "Another wave!" "Were we hit?" "Deck down!" "We're going under!"
Clench
Unclench
Clench
Unclench
And the piano pounds on and on in my head
Oh ouais
Je m’amuse
How can I not be?
Your French sounds like a foreign language
Save me from myself.
I'm drowning.
Lost in a nightmare.
It's surrounding
Me and my life
And everything
Around me
.........................
I need to get out
This thing of love,
of loving and being loved.
It consumes me in the gentlest of ways,
softly washing over me until I've been covered up;
a blissful drowning.
I've become willing to risk hitting a shelf
Nothing –
Seeing clear as day
In the suffocating black of night
But cringing with confusion
When the sun sheds its light
Knowing there’s an answer
Not caring if it’s found
The day is dying
And hiding beneath
The city lights
I’m learning
That our nights are
Still beautiful
miles apart
when the palpitations of
my heart
choke on their longing
succombing under the waves,
grasping,
reaching,
searching for a lift
for something to push me over the swirling waters.
ice pouring through my veins.
fire pouring out from my eyes.
my bones,
Safely, Sail safely
I care not for the wisdom of the world
Maybe, just maybe
The waves will drag me down in their curls
This flimsy raft I have built
Should not have set sail
Sinking down into blue deep,
Strong currents make his glum surroundings so cold.
The ocean hides the tears that he tries to weep.
He had tried to resurface, but the strife was so steep.
Standing on the edge
Looking down into the swirling abyss below
That could be my watery grave
Just a quick step forward
And it would all be over
Leaning forward
Thoughts flooding in
What Lies Ahead
I haven’t written a poem in awhile
It’s as if my thoughts were put in a file.
A tale is given to show,
There is this Darkness that loves to entrap me every single night...
No sleep.
I feel nocturnal.
It always starts off when i lay down in my bed.
A jumble of confusion,
dreams,
and people.
Thrown into my world
as I repeatingly starve for words.
I toss these words
bleached with emotion
into heavy waters.
I saw the surface above me,
Shimmering, bright.
The sunlight pouring in,
Golden rays through the waves.
Sinking,
Farther down,
No matter how hard I kick.
Thrashing in the water,
Knots
Twisted up inside me.
I'm dying just to breathe,
to cry.
But I can't.
Not here.
I want to just
give up.
What if this feeling lasts,
Threatening waves crash over me,
they pound the life out of me.
I hear what seems to be
screams in the distance,
But it’s me.
As this sea tosses restless, the same does my soul.Where is my Salvation? What can make me whole?These questions left unanswered as the water engulfs all.And while I beg for mercy, what will stop my fall?
The night’s young but the tide is high
The black skies that petrify
Lying on the shore I let the tide engulf me
The ice cold embrace of the water drags me down
Sinking like a stone I submit to the water’s grip
Blending together, they are.
Like reflections on water.
Memories, like a cookie jar.
These thoughts they slaughter.
I'll call you in the morning, so you know that I'm alive.
For I might die while I'm asleep, when darkness covers my eyes.
For when you are not with me, I'm drowning in the sea.
I've fallen victim to the sea.
Now I can't catch my breath,
and I'm constantly reminded
of the unending wrath...
Hello
My name is Sarah
I live on the edge of nowhere
Somewhere between my dreams and my reality
My age doesn’t apply
I’m growing older every second
Yet losing an eternity every time I grow older
Stumbling, uncertain, shaking, I fall
And stare up blankly, in fear, in helplessness,
As my world intensifies.
Colors take on supernatural, disturbing shades of themselves,
Your nasty wretched fumes roll off your stained lips
You look like a fool with your stuttering and your trips
The empty bottles around you must be equal to your heart
Because I'll never find the end of them once you start
No one hears her screams,
but still she screams for her life.
No one see's her,
but still she clings to life.
She is further away then she thought.
Not waving; knowing this, she just drowns.
It's raining out & I'm standing out
Thinking it's been year's now
I know it ain't no turning it around
Because she don't feel me like I feel her
Again drowning trying to catch my breath
