despair causes friction.  yes, hurt causes tension.  

these years got me feeling undriven.  make it past these years.  work hard.  

but they don't tell you about the required decisions.  i no longer feel able to.  

i envy what I shouldn't.  it's heavy.  i know i shouldn't.

no longer is it fear.  It's substantial consequences.  what happens now affects tomorrow.  Tomorrow’s facts are written.

it's strange i don't want no one around.  encouragement seems to destined discouragement.

it angers me to want so much.  how hard is it to be satisfied for now.

ungrateful.  disdain.

it's hard to rise when you know you're low.  It’s hard to breath when you know you’re lungs are closed.

So what now?

The one true king.  The ruler of all things.  When you’re heavy he’ll carry you.  He’ll dig you up when the devil tries to bury you.  What more could you ask for.  Victory is right at your door.  Open it up and get your heart fixed.  Because you’re the one he picked.  It’s easy to give up.  But it’s hard to try.  That’s the reason he died.  So he could help you through the try.

How do I begin?

Ask for his spirit to come in.  let go of all worry and strife.  He can heal the knife wounds in your back despite how it got there.  Accept his light.  His peace will make everything alright.  Substantial consequences are now rewritten as substantial blessings.  His will be done in my life no more second guessing.