He was far more damaged than she could imagine. She was light and he was darkness. He hated his life and everything in it. They shared their painful stories of loves abuse towards their hearts, and he couldn’t understand how she’d been hurt and misfortunate but still willing to give life a chance. He hated her for that. He hated the world, he didn’t understand why life had dealt him a bad hand. He figured because his parents could throw money at any issue he had, his life would be easy and better.   He thought that was the way to live. He talked about getting rich just to be able to buy and sell whomever he wished. He lost something near and dear to him something so fragile and precious, something that led him to the darkness. From there he didn’t know how to come back from it. She felt bad for him, she felt bad that he had to go through what he had went through and all she wanted to do was help. She got involved not really knowing just how damaged he was. He never appreciated her and all that she did and tried to do for him. She tried to save him, he ended up damaging her.  She thought she could change him, it was him who changed her. He abused her, physically, mentally and emotionally. By the time, he was done with her she hated herself, she felt hideous, she was ashamed and felt comfortable away from the world. When he would compliment her it meant nothing to her, she knew it was a lie. How could it be true when he already told her something completely different multiple times. He was cruel to her and lots of times she wished death for herself, she tried leaving multiple times but he’d either reel her back in or she’d feel guilty knowing no one would care for him like she had. She just wanted love so she accepted whatever he dished out. He wanted a slave, a hostage, someone he could punk and beat, lie to and cheat on.  He blacked her eyes, busted her lips, held her hostage, threatened her life, insulted her family and made her feel worthless. He’d beat her, while he down talked her and as she sat in a corner and cried he’d laugh. She believed so hard he’d change, she believed he loved her and their children enough to want to do better. When he wasn’t drunk he was the sweetest person you could ever meet. They would sit and talk about everything including their future together. She seen herself marrying him, they’d sit and imagine what each other would like on their wedding day.  When he’d drink she’d try to hide, but no matter what she did, he always came after her. Deep down inside she knew it was him who needed her, but she couldn’t help but feel like she needed him. She had become use to his abuse, his company, his rudeness. She’d lost a lot behind him. He swore she never did a single thing for him. When she ended up pregnant she thought for sure he’d want to be better. He beat her up, threw large objects at her, drug her across the sidewalk back into the house, pushed her into things. Told her to drink bleach, eat sushi, fall down the stairs, kill herself after she feeds her kids rat poison.  She cried so much she could have swam in her tears. Though she knew he was wrong, she’d always second guess herself, thinking maybe she had done something wrong or maybe she could’ve done something different. She was ashamed, she was embarrassed. She loved him and he loved torturing her. He’d put knives to her throat and threaten her if she left him or didn’t do as he wished he’d kill her with no hesitation. He said he didn’t care he’d do the time. No one could understand what the hell she was thinking, there’d been plenty of incidents that should have been the ending to that so called love. She had a weakness in her heart for him and felt bad for all the bad that had happened to him, so she attempted to overlook more than enough.  She knew in order to escape she either had to die or send him to jail. Jail wasn’t an option she didn’t want to feel the guilt from a decision like that. Plenty of times she contemplated her suicide, but she never had the courage. There was so much more abuse in between and even though she’d tell him it’s over and to leave he’d refuse and make threats, telling her he wouldn’t leave until she paid him what she owed to him. It finally ended when they got into a huge fight. She was tired of crying, tired of being afraid, abused, disrespected, lied to, cheated on, and all the above.  When he did leave she couldn’t help her feelings. She wanted a family, a life long partner. Apart of her felt relieved, while another part couldn’t help but feeling alone. Her emotions were all over the place. She knew it’d take time for her to be okay again. So she waited patiently.