Is That Still the Plan?

I remember a time

Seems like yesterday

When things were different,

Less complicated.

Barbie dolls strew across a yellow quilt

Fairytales played to life in the backyard

Picnic lunches

Coloring pages

Doing each other’s hair.

 

That’s not to say we didn’t fight

We did- it was petty then, too

But we were closer

Emotionally, geographically

Now you’re miles away

And I’ve found I don’t know you

At least not as well.

 

It’s always been a competition

In one way or another

And you were always ahead

Always doing it first.

One grade ahead

Smarter and quicker

First to date

First to graduate

First to leave home.

You’ll probably be first to

Walk down the aisle

Raise a child

And that comes after.

 

But now you see

How hard life can be

And I finally think I’m “ahead”

I hate feeling this way

Besides, we’re friends,

Basically sisters

And yet it’s not like it was before.

We were always different

You liked soccer

I liked dance

You were loud

And I was quiet

But that’s why we were friends.

 

Now it seems like it just doesn’t work

We’ve grown apart, in a few short years

No longer confidents

No longer “sisters”

Just friends.

And as natural as that is

As normal and common

It still hurts, so much.

 

I want it to be like before,

When we’d stay up till three

Eating ice cream

Talking about boys.

Watching Veggie Tales

Though we were too old for cartoons.

Swapping our junk

Sharing our secrets.

My childhood is littered with you

What am I supposed to do without you

You were my best friend

And now I don’t have one.

 

Maybe it was best

We were opposites, anyway

But you said we’d have wheelchair races

In the halls of our nursing home

And I want to know if that’s still the plan.

I still want to…

Be harshly critical of all your boyfriends

Plan your wedding

Be your bridesmaid

Host your baby showers

Watch your kids on date nights

Have tea and coffee cake

Talk about our aches and pains

Complain about our husbands

Miss them when they’re gone

And, of course,

Have wheelchair races. 

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