Smiles are too Real

Location

A passing smile fades inward to my strung out soul

I cringe at the smile with a friendly nod

Continue walking when I’d like to run.

What’s that?!

Look behind,

because you never know who is following you or what secrets they will find.

Can they see?

Are they looking at me?

Walk faster

They are behind me

Behind is the past, which is a disaster

So I run

Passing smiles letting them fade

Knowing I must keep up this mascerade

I am Cinderella at the ball

But my prince has passed me up

So now I wallow in the embers of the fire

Smiling.

Because the world around me doesn’t stop

Just because I want it to

Smiles, smiles, I am sick of smiles

Let the tears fall, the hatred lie out on the hard faces

Because otherwise

I cannot trust a single soul

As long as I shall live.

I run a thousand miles and back.

Running away, running to

It’s all the same.

I’ve lost track of what I am running from.

Trust,

Trust is something you’ve got to earn

But how am I to trust when I don’t know who the devil is.

Your face shows a smile

Your heart shows a tear.

And I am wound up again on a pole

Deciding what to believe and what to portray

Because the face I wear, I wore the day before

It’s all a trick that keeps my feet moving, my head spinning

The ground rumbles and my feet fumble forward

I glimpse behind

The door to the past creaks

I hear a knock and I cry

Scared,

Scared for my life, for the life of those around me.

Now I remember…

I ran because of the fear.

The fear drives me.

It keeps me going,

Not allowing me

To touch

To Trust

To stand still for a moment.

I can’t catch my breath so I begin to power done.

And my body is set on fast forward,

But I can’t keep up.

So, I glitch

My face forming a smile

The same happy phrases coming from my mouth.

Hi,

Hello,

How are you?

I’m fine.

I watch as life passes me by

And the instinct is still there

Run, it tells me

Look behind you, it tells me

But I can’t because I am stuck.

I have glitched.

I wish I could go back now and repair the wound

Stick up the pain

So that this never would of happened.

Because now I am frozen in time.

I cannot move, cannot see what lurks behind me.

My head will not turn.

So even if the devil himself was to be there

I could do nothing.

I am a doll on a pedestal smiling down

You smile up

And the entire time I am thinking

LIAR...

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