She

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She

She sat there with fingers on the keys
Awestruck, she couldn’t move
She could not believe her eyes
She reread the words over and over again
Until she could barely hide the tears
She could not cry
Not here
Not now
Not in this room full of people
Too many questions
Not enough answers
How could she do this to her?
She wants to be on her own?
No, she is just as codependent and she is…
No, something was up
only she did not know what…

She needs her.
She was supposed to be the game changer
the one who was different
the one who stuck by her side
No matter what stupid,
immature, pointless drama shit
they were put to.

She trusted her enough
to go to her house for sanctuary
when her mom kicked her out.
She trusted her enough
to tell her all of her secrets
to tell her all of her stories
to show her all her scars.

She was there for her
to watch her eat
to make her keep her food in
to make her promise to stop hurting herself
to listen to her secrets
to hold her while she cried…

They were inseparable.
They were so similar.
the only real difference is
that she would never ever
do this to friend.
She would never abandon
a friend, ever.
Especially if that friend was
going through a ton of shit
and really truly needed her.
She would never push her
away just because she felt
like being alone.
She would be there no matter what
because that is what true friends do.
They don’t push away and walk away
for their own selfish reasons.
Even if they are going through some shit
and they don’t want to talk about it
or they don’t want help with it,
that is no reason to abandon your “best friend”
especially when her life is going down the toilet
at the moment and
she needs you to help hold her up
and keep her from falling back into
the dark abyss you pulled her out of when you met her.

Now she can’t trust you.
Now she has no friends.
Now she’s alone.
Now she is empty.
Now she can barely type her responses to you.
Now she is bent, bruised, broken, and
in worse shape that she was in when you found her.
Now she will never trust again.
She will never care this much again.
She will never love another friend again.
She will never allow for another person to get this close to her.

This girl has the audacity to ask for respect
and to ask that they not be enemies.
This girl must be fucked up on acid if
she thinks they can be anything close to friends again
if she thinks that she can get respect from her
after all of this bullshit,
after all of this hurt,
after all of this pain that she has been put through
in a matter of one hour.

She is done.
Now she has nothing left to lose.
Nothing stopping her
from trying all the crazy,
and reckless things she wants to.
Nothing holding her back from
doing who and what she wants
how she wants to do it.

She is empty.
She is alone.
She has nothing to call her own.
She has no one
to hold her while she cries
to make her feel alright
to help her
make it through the night.
She is giving up
on everything she has left.
All she has left is school,
and that is pretty pathetic.
She no longer cares.
She is done.

She cannot go on
like this.
Not alone.
Someone please save her.

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