Self Deceit


I always wanted to be strong.

I always wanted to be beautiful.

I always wanted to be kind.


You are nothing.

I close my eyes and pretend

pretend to not hear

I cannot be broken.


You don’t deserve love.

I heave at the impact

the words digging into me

like a rusty blade

I am bleeding.


You are the most selfish person I know.

My knees buckle

I gasp as I feel myself

shatter, crumble.



You disgust me.

I struggle for air

her words clasped around my throat

I don’t even think she knows

I am broken.


How could I ever be strong?

How could I ever be beautiful?

How could I ever be kind?


When all I feel, see, hear….is nothing.


How could I ever be strong?

How could I ever be beautiful?

How could I ever be kind?


When all I’ve ever been was scum.


I tear the ones I love most to shreds

bringing nothing but pain and misery

I lie and cheat for self gain

I don’t deserve love.


The realization of this kills me

The pain so unbearable

tears cannot - no, im sorry- will not

fix anything

The damage I’ve done irreparable


How could someone love me?

Once they’ve seen who I really am.

Why don’t they leave me?

It’s as though everyone who loves me

has a death wish

I am disgusting.


No one should have to experience

what I have put people through

I hurt the people I love



I am not broken….I am shattered

A mess of ground up glass.

I am glass that waits on a cold stone floor

waiting for someone kind to clean me up

And when they least expect it

I cut them open.


Their blood, their pain

spills onto me as I whisper

“I’m sorry”


Two words

that I have said so many times

they have lost their meaning

they no longer show the remorse

I feel everyday.


All these things I keep

locked up inside of me

waiting for the day

when I finally find

the words to tell you


The words that will

finally describe the agony



and shame that I feel

for all that I’ve done


I have never been strong.

I have never been beautiful.

I have never been kind.


Nor will I ever be.


This poem is about: 
Guide that inspired this poem: 



You are strong for having the guts to write this and post it for everyone to see. You are beautiful because these words are intricatey pieced together perfectly. And you are kind because you care about the mistakes you've made and hate hurting people. We all hurt people. Especially the ones we love most. I encourage you to consider this quote from Ella Wheeler Wilcox: "There's one sad truth in life I've found while journeying east and west. The only folks we really wound are those we love the best. We flatter those we scarely know. We please the fleeting guest, and deal full many a thoughtless blow to those who love us best." We all do it; please do not think it makes you unworthy of love. Stay strong, stay awesome, you can handle anything.


Thank you so much. You are so positive and encouraging and the fact that people like you exist gives me hope. :) Keep writing because your words can cause so much good. 

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