Searching for Light


When will the darkness end?

Will morning ever come?

Will I always have to pretend?

Or will the mask be broken by some?

The smile on my face,

Is almost never real,

I put it there to hide,

So I don’t really have to feel,

Feeling broken and alone,

Feeling down and out,

I find no strength to stand,

I find no strength to shout,

I only wish for someone to notice,

Someone to care or someone to see,

But no one dares look past the fake smile,

No one dares see the real me,

So I walk on in the daylight,

Although to me, an endless night,

Searching for my sunrise,

While I struggle in this plight,

So much is wrong in the world,

There is evil in most everything we see,

But now I am starting to realize,

My biggest danger… is me. 



I wrote this poem late at night while thinking some terrible thoughts. Sometimes I just have to write and get it out on paper. This week is suicide awareness week. 9 months ago today, I lost a close friend from highschool to suicide. In February 2000, my aunt committed suicide. I attempted to take my own life twice during my youth. Throughout my childhood I was bullied in school for being overweight. I now know that it isn't the words of others really that bother me but the words of my own mind. I am my biggest enemy. 

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