Still and silent

I float in the deep blue,

the ocean is my master

and I its slave.

 

Heels, check.

Face, check.

Glasses – better leave those here – check.

She says she’s never been to a real party before,

does she have to dance like in the movies?

I laugh, only if you want to.

I probably won’t dance much anyways.

We’ll just stay by the water

sit and talk,

we real cool.

 

Phones are boring,

talk is cheap.

She wants to dance.

I lead her onto the floor.

Packed like sardines, huh?

She doesn’t hear me.

Music is everywhere,

pulsing out of every crack and crevice.

I can barely make her out in the dim light.

Just sway like this

right, left, left, right?

Right.

I feel him behind me but pay no mind

as he wraps his arms around my waist,

enormous limbs round a stick.

The beat speeds up

and the tide comes in

drunk in love and Bud Light,

bump n’ grinding, twerking, twisting.

A boy sidles up to her and she freezes,

too sexy for her taste.

I take her arm and pull her closer to me,

hazel eyes inches away.

The boy eventually slinks away and

she’s gonna go to the water now,

take a break.

I’ll be here.

 

His arms tighten the second she leaves,

pressing our bodies together in the packed sea.

I feel his hand slowly creep down from my hips.

No, I swat.

His hand returns to its original place

and he lightly rests his chin on my head.

A short little twig, indeed,

his body is more than twice the size of mine,

an oak, perhaps, a redwood.

And then there was darkness.

 

The energy drops for a second of confusion

then skyrockets.

Jostling, pushing, shoving,

I almost didn’t realize

his hands had left my waist.

All I can see is darkness,

the faintest outlines of black shadows.

Why is it so dark?

I try to pull his hands away but he captures my wrists first.

Oh god, hands, hands, hands

how are they everywhere all at once?

The harder I writhe, the tighter the restraints

the closer the crowd pulls us together,

screams lost in the beats and cheers.

Is this the riptide they warn of?

And then pain,

searing pain

shooting up and down through my bones

and

I

freeze.

If sound escaped my open mouth, I wouldn’t have known.

Eyes sweating from pain? Exhaustion?

Heart pounding twice the speed of the

bass causing an earthquake under my feet.

Exhale, inhale, in-hale? Inhale, inhale, inhale.

This is what you wanted, isn’t it?

His deep voice shouts in my ear but echoes a dangerous whisper.

I don’t want this. I don’t want this.

I don’t like it, I don’t want it

and I scream at the top of my lungs,

stop, oh my god, please stop

please please please please.

Maybe he heard me,

maybe not.

There was no stopping.

And in the darkness I

surrendered

my body, my dignity, my everything,

languid and limp.

 

Seconds pass, minutes

feel like decades.

The ground is unforgiving,

as are the feet upon which stomp.

I scrape at the sand,

clawing my way to the outskirts

against the current.

I shakily stand and scan the beach.

It’s lighter over here but

again only dark, blurry shadows.

A shadow lingers behind me and I

take off, sprinting down

into the water, falling headfirst.

Resurface, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale.

There you are, she thought she saw me.

She frowns, are you ok?

Why are you shaking? You’re crying!

She wants to know what’s wrong.

Inhale, exhale.

I’m fine. It’s just the water,

I’m cold.

We go back up to our rooms.

She stops in front of hers, are you sure you’re ok?

I smile weakly.

Never been better.

 

Early rays of light peep over the horizon

and I live another day.

The water is gentle, the water is kind,

I am not afraid of the dark.