I need to take some time out of my schedule just to acknowledge some people to say sorry

Now taking time out of my day to say sorry got to be major because that mean I got a lot of apologizing to do

See I am that type of person that will be the last person to apologize but the first person to speak my mind 100%

I am the type of person that can be sailing smooth on the open sea and then causing a violent storm if somebody starts saying stuff that flow into one of my ears and right out the other

I am the person that just don't give a really care about your feelings

I will look at you and cut you deep with my words like a machete slicing a bullet

Now I have cause some wounds to open and please don't try to think of what I will do next because I’m about to tell you

Cut you open exposing information you buried and leaving an burning sensation in you gashes

Now you might be thinking okay this chick is crazy and ridiculous

But this is my life so please keep reading and trust me by the time I finish you'll see why I do what I do

So if you made it to this line, you’re in for a world of commotion

I set you up. You're standing on a target with a sniper aim ready to shoot you if you turn.

Bracing you, stands still, don’t breathe. Do one of those things and just might cause you your life.

But see you are daring and you are not scared so you looked over your shoulder right into the snipers eyes

Seeing a face you might recognize. You.

You see you because every time you grab somebody, let them tour your life, they end up disappearing and you don't know why.

Let me tell you why. It's because you're the target and they're your protectors.

Life is trying to take you out of the game like LeBron in the 4th quarter.

I have been sliced by my mother and father. Hurt by a person I once gave my all to.

Your protection is the people that love you the most.  They keep disappearing because you start doing a drive by with your hurtful words and horrible attitude

Now those things won’t ever take you know where in life. Not even the strip club.

But the strip club is where I landed because someone decided to strip me from all my make-up, $700 Red Bottoms, from my weave to the dirt on my bottom foot.

He stripped me, examined every curve, and raped me. Happy.

He took away all my hurt, headaches, tears, fear. But they just didn't stop there.

He revealed me to the world. He made my life a case that was unbeatable. Joy.

That rape had to be the best day of my life.

He had torn me apart and repaired me with completeness, happiness, joy, love and some guide lines for life I had to follow.

So when I tell you his name please don't call 911 and report a rape case. If I didn't get raped I would be dead.

Jesus.

Jesus took away my fears, bitterness, hatred, selfishness, drama, EVERYTHING. He restored all of the updates on life.

But he said there is one thing I had to do to complete the installment. He said I had to apologize for every person I had ever pushed away.

I was like Jesus. Father. Friend. Buddyyyyy. For real?

He said yes so now here I am. Just do it.

Apologizing to all the people that I hurt, disappointed, made angry and trust me it's not easy

I'm not going to pour my feelings in a cup and then you pour it out, wash it, and then reuse it again

So my bad.

No.

My fault?

NO!

FINE! Gosh I’m S... Sor... Sorr ... I’m

I apologize

I started to get choked up. I tried to say the S word but it just won't come out

I have said the S word a lot over the past years, but I never said it and really meant it.

My past use to be my present, I learned from it, and now it's time to move on

My mouth and actions might try to hunt me, but my past will never be able to catch up to me.

So just do it. Say the S word. You won't get in trouble.

Not saying the S word will cause you to say the A word and then some other words you don't mean to say.

Just do it. Dear world.