Rotten Apple


United States
26° 10' 40.26" N, 80° 16' 16.1724" W

I've been through this game before
Slowly watched us being torn
This word no longer means a thing to me
It's all a lie, as far as I see
Unconditional love i've recieved
But deeper within was dark and deceit
Almost believed you were the apple of my eye
Now i'm trying to forget you with a bottle of rye
All I can do now is sit and wonder
And continously ask myself why o' why
Why did you go out and decide
To hurt a man's heart, and make him cry?


Wicked Wes

I want your honest opinions on what you think of it. Took me about 15 minutes to write it. Thanks! =D


You want honest? Here goes honest.

This is REALLY good! How long have you been writing?

When I read, "Almost believed you were the apple of my eye/ Now i'm trying to forget you with a bottle of rye" I felt the pain the character in your poem is experiencing for a moment and that makes all of the different. You have the ability to precisely put your emotions into words.

There are a few things I would change such as when you say "Why did you go out...". Taking from the rest of the poem, I think you have the writing capability to say this is a much more descriptive way that continues to evoke the image you have painted throughout the poem. Of course, you'll have to spend a little more than 15 minutes! :P

Good poem!

Wicked Wes

Thank you so much. I'm sorry for the late reply. I have been extremely busy with moving into my new dorm for college. I am glad that you enjoy my poem. Also, thank you for the constructive criticism! I appreciate it!

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