my family hates me, and i’m not adoptable 

any adversary that must meet my mental chaos

drowns in an unattainable goal

beautiful people that the blackness and despair poisons, please forgive me

my grandmother gets angry at me for anorexia

and i feel as alone in the bed as I will in a coffin

consistently craving acceptance in forms of confirmation

conformity hurting me and yet no salvation

what’s left to do? drown in my sobriety or rise in relapse

close friends feel helpless because I make it so

and there’s nothing i can change when there’s so little left to do

bearing witness to supportive families keeps igniting my jealousy as I crave further for acceptance and love

none of my tears will ever solve the dilemma: that the human born without a solid family began

the human began to grow up and develop personality

beginning to grow from a mother’s multiple absences

beginning to accept all the abuses that a father inflicts

beginning to understand all the unlovable traits

ending a happy life.

i want those vacations where the car broke down and the family exploded

the bonding and conversations had that led to discovery of each individual

but i’m stuck in the town of cary

walking dilapidated sidewalks

dreaming of attaining something that everybody else takes for granted.