Lying on my back, thinking

There’s something calming about empty islands

The sound of lively winds running through the trees, and waves rolling up to the edges, an echo chamber that spans on

Forever

I could almost imagine how nice it would be to just melt into the warm sand

To dissolve into the sweet air

To let myself decay into the tranquility

Forever

No rush

No stress

No pressure

But I can't

I have big plans!

Hopes and dreams that could never be accomplished here

I'm gonna be an author!

I have visions of telling stories, of letting the ideas that have been swelling inside my head finally burst out

Epic tomes about the seven deadly sins and the four horsemen,

A magnum opus diving into the human potential for cruelty,

Volumes upon volumes that would make people wonder, make people afraid, make people fall in love

I could let the world see all the worlds that have been brewing in my mind all my life

It could be

It will be

It will be magnificent!

So I must keep getting up, I must keep going!

I have unfinished business

I’ve finally become a real adult, and I need to test it out

I've got friends, I've got hobbies, I've got college I need to attend

I've got in-jokes and memories and escapades we planned, but never took

I have a family at home

I can't let anything end here

Who would step up for my little sister?

Who'd stay up all night listening to my cousin’s ramblings?

Who'd take care of my cat?

If I gave up now,

They'd put the wrong name on my grave

And they'd call me their daughter

I've loose ends to tie up

I’ve no excuse to quit

I have

Something I miss

Like

Walks in the park with my mother

Walks in the woods with only my thoughts

And spending the days home alone trying to learn how to bake a cake

And the taste of Ovaltine and childhood

And the old pine tree in the yard

And the nicks and cuts I carved into the bark

And everything they mean

And

I have

The stars

The sound of

Rain

I have . . .

The reasons keep on getting smaller

But it doesn't get any harder to keep on getting up

“There is no reason too small”

They called it a mantra

I call it a war cry

In this isolated place

Where I have become the center of the world

I still need a center to my world

I'm an endless generator of willpower, I'm a storm that could rage on forever

But there must be a trigger, a catalyst, a reason

My reason

 

There’s no reason too small to keep living

Let the world set its weight on me

All I need is a reason

All I need is a reason

 

Lying on my back, thinking

I'd forgotten how I love the smell of the ocean

It reminds me of a family vacation from a long time ago

That’s enough

I stand up