When you give your all too many times, you begin to lose yourself.

The one to whom you pledged your heart to and they pledged theirs too, is surely going leave you.

It may sound pessimistic, less optimistic, a little bit sadistic, or even as if I have gone ballistic.

Yes I am insane. And in my insanity I thought I found serenity. Peace in a soulful trinity, between a man and I.

Salvation from my wounded heart and bleeding soul.

He wasn't a man I wished to mold; just a young man who I wanted to hold.

To last, to keep me together, help me regain my strength in the meantime.

To hold me. To love me. My kindred soul.

That spirit was my foundation. Swore up and down that he was sent from above with the angels leading his departure from heaven and a standing ovation.

The nights I cried tears of thanks and love. I had finally received my angelic gift from above.

When you give your all too many times, you begin to lose yourself.

He. He the only one who understood. The only one that truly took the time.

From the best to the worst of times he was there.

To fight. To cheer. To talk and be sincere.

His strength was remarkable, however I was blind to its limits.

Obscured vision. Love. Blinded me. I let my walls down.

I let those walls down and others stayed where they were.

The love was so strong that I allowed him to infiltrate and seal the deal.

In and out of pressure and pleasure. We felt more close knit and together.

The wedding bells rang cheerfully in our heads, but I knew better, yet I slipped.

And he did not catch me. He was only there to let me continue. He provided the obstacles.

Foolish thoughts of the fantasy future lashed with the rigid reality in our faces.

We tried to be our own constant. Our own class of people joined in love and passion.

Love can take too much.

He recieved a pierce in his skin for me.

Fought for the integrity and respect that I thought I had, but now it is gone.

I vowed to lay my life down in return.

An everlasting gift that he won't accept in any capacity.

Just decapitate me here and now.

Living for someone is hard work.

We converse less and stare more.

I hear talks of a new love filling my place.

If she can fill it. I doubt it.

He breathes hate and his nose curls up at the mention of my name.

Exchanged glances are my only fix.

I'm an addict.

Craving the poison that does not wish to taint my body. Or is it me.

The elicser that he can do without.

Going on three months, and he's clean and free.

I'm struggling to kick the itch.

Did he. Will he. Can he ever love me?

Friends was an option. Over my dead body. The thought would've killed me if my anger didn't shock me back to life.

In this case there is no indication of the want or need of my love.

My job was not complete. I am obsolete.
Pity, sympathy, empathy. Nothing.

Just a blank stare in my perifial. As my vision cascades in the opposite direction.

In the opposite direction of the man. The young man. The angelic, heaven sent, resilient young man, who I thought was the mate to my soul.

Yes I know, I'm out of control.

But yet I speak the truth.

When you give your all too many times, you begin to lose yourself.