Twist and turn,

My body will yearn.

Your presence is always near

Don't tell me you are not here.

 

So open your mind and dive into the shallow waters of your heart

You'll create a sort of dark-art

Some splashes of the terrifying blood on the walls,

Some in the halls.

 

Pour your heart out.

Trust me; I don't have a doubt,

Of whether or not you can tear my world apart

My breakdown consisted of my heart skipping some beats and eventually it would restart.

 

Decorate the mirror and the shower and the floors like you did that horrid night.

We were running out of sight,

Because we were so afraid of what you could do.

Silly to think how in the back of my mind, I already knew…

 

Danger in and out and all around.

BOOM! What was that deafening sound?

Did he do it?

1...2...3- I counted and counted the people here that are safe, and I realized my lip was bleeding from being harshly bit

 

All people present.

So why am I so hesitant?

Why can't I walk back into that room?

The back of my mind replies, “Because I know what truly happened and how that space in the house became a dark tomb.”

 

How with a kiss to the gun,

My world spun,

But his was completely still.

Only one was his object to kill.

 

So your cold, rigid, lifeless body lies on the floor,

I counted three people that are safe, but it should be four.

So the feeling was wrong.

My heart sang the wrong melody to this song.

 

Your intentions were not what I thought,

It wasn't revenge or even trouble that you sought.

An end to your own misery was your only goal

Too bad it was so cowardly because you are not free from your own, troubled soul

 

So you left,

With a piece of each of our hearts for your own theft.

You have become a stranger,

Hiding in the shadows of your 'used-to-be home'; creating danger

 

Or maybe just a figment or my imagination,

A sound or a thud to create this sensation,

To make me think you are still here,

To make me believe you are still sincere.

 

How do you understand the dead?

Do you memorize the last things they said?

Or do you hold tight to the memories that keep you whole?

Or do you not understand at all and let those memories go dull?

 

Do you let go?

When the 'why?' is all you want to know

Perhaps the time to move on is upon me

Perhaps I only hold on because I'm scared of your demised certainty

 

It's possible I'm afraid,

That you'll fade

Because in all of this chaos, you are still my dad,

And it's hard to wrap my head around how you could be so sad

 

And it's hard to tell myself that you're okay,

Because it's only the words I say.

I'm sorry, but I lost my train of thought.

Another month of feelings about you gone; all on paper when it only came down to this: You placed the gun to your head, and simply took the shot.

 

Rest in peace.

Eventually I will let go and release,

But for now, I still listen for the soft thuds and flickering lights,

To let me know that you're okay all of these nights.