Oh, dear Sis,
I’m so sorry!
I really thought,
I really thought he just did it to me…
or that it was just a bad dream like Mommy said.
...and I asked about the screams,
but Mommy told me
they were just in my dream.
But they weren't, were they?
How did I let him hurt you too?
I should have noticed those marks on your neck!
Or those sores on your wrists!
They were the same as mine from when I tried to resist.
But I convinced myself you must have had an itch,
because that’s what I always told Mommy
Ever since I was nine,
when she started asking about mine.
But I spotted new ones every morning!
And all the “accidents” on the tennis courts
to account for the rug burns on your knees.
Oh my God, I’m so sorry, little Sis.
But I always thought he just went back to his and Mommy’s bed!
Or that it was all in my head!
But that one night I got up,
and, and I saw you on your knees,
his hands around your neck…
I’m so, so sorry, Sis.
I didn’t know I wasn’t his only pick.
But why didn’t you say anything?
You could have told me;
I would have believed you!
I knew he was getting tired of me.
Those nights he didn’t come in,
or the mornings he came in only for a kiss…
I told myself he was over it;
that it was done.
But that was my mistake.
That was my real dream,
And Mommy always taught us,
“Dreams are too good to be true.”
So I should have known better.
I’m so sorry, little Sis, but I really thought it was only me
or even a dream!
And Mommy said Daddy was always in bed!
So it must have been in my head!
Mommy wouldn’t lie, would she??
But I never told her how I could hear him breathe,
how I felt his finger with the studded wedding ring go inside me,
or how whenever he made a mess, I watched him shuffle to my closet
for that stained, crinkled dress.
I knew it was real; it wasn’t a guess.
Oh my God.
I just didn’t know he went to your room next.
I am so sorry.
We’ll do whatever you want to do.
We don't need Mommy.
We don't need Daddy.
We need each other.
Please forgive me,
Big Sis, XOXOSOSO