weakness
in my lungs
in my ribs
and I don’t
want to understand
“Here we go again!”

I’ve been over this in my head
thousands of times: I’m safe,
I’m okay, it’s not going to happen again,
no one’s going to hurt me.

and yet there I go
I lose all control
over my body and
my breathing and
all I can do is wait
trapped in these bones
and waiting out my sentence
as a convict, a prisoner
in my own mind.
through the bars I see light
but it’s hard to believe in it
the way I believe in fear.