October Thoughts

October Thoughts

Lately all I’ve been thinking about is November,

And I’ve been wondering whether winter is a season

Or a state of mind.

Because my words become less golden,

And more akin to the pale yellow of a wintry day.

I lose my spark when I stop lighting sparklers,

and my fears are more arresting on a dark December night.

And because my hands are cold,

I look to whatever boy has placed himself across the table

And stare into him as if he is a hearth when he is only a television screen,

Broadcasting flames that I only believe will provide warmth

if I actively lie to myself.

I spend so much time warming my hands in front of this false fire

That I forget to hug my friends.

I have taken up the habit of rubbing my hands together vigorously,

Hoping someone will notice and intertwine their fingers with mine.

But all I ever accomplish is creating adding friction to my life

And refusing to let anyone else in.

It seems like there is never enough light in the day to finish what I want to start

So I just never start anything at all.

I sit and dream of waking up and feeling alive

But if the flowers can die for a season, so can I.

I’ll see you in March.

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