My love , My only one ( for you Ben)

The deepest void in the sky tonight. Almost as big a void as the one in my soul. Theres no stars tonight. Just a black , cold lonely sky that seems to go forever. I’m missing you and it becomes evident to me  that this feeling? This  will encompass every part of me until, by some miracle, I am able to forget, us. But, until then .all that remains ? a shell. An empty shell. with nothing but thoughts of us . Nothing but all my hopes and dreams for us . That In the end were  about as worthless as I feel . It is impossible to rid myself of all these feelings, emotions . all this anguish , heartache, regret . I imagine myself floating in this endless abyss of darkness and it is all I can do to keep from drowning. Maybe I should just stop trying to stay afloat . Maybe I should let go and let the current have its way . Then I’d never have to feel this again . Then I wouldn’t be tortured with daily reminders of what could have been. With memories that keep haunting my mind. Before you I was empty . and wondered if I’d ever be one of the lucky ones who’d know real love. And……then? I met you. I knew it right away when I saw you . A familiar, comfortable feeling that I hadn’t experienced before . I was drawn to you like a magnet. Our love was by no means perfect but, it was real . And it felt right. Despite the ups and downs we both wanted our “forever” . I still remember the night you asked me to marry you in the living room. So nervous , but so cute. And so special. That’s a moment that nobody can take away from us. Much like Many of our memories. But it’s not just the memories it was the future plans that we talked about. It was the conversations that lasted all night. It was the laughing so hard that our stomachs hurt. It was laying in bed with you rubbing your cheek,It was kissing you, It was slow dancing in the living room, the nicknames , it was Everything . You were everything . You still are , my everything . My only one . But, you forgot . You  started to forgot about us , me . Your promises . And now it’s been 85 days since you left . 85 days since we have said I love you , since we’ve had dinner together. 85 days That we haven’t been battle royale champions. That I haven’t layed with you in bed. That we haven’t touched one another. It’s been 85 days since I’ve seen your face. I miss your face. I miss your presence in my life. I miss my nozzle baby. It has been 85 days wasted. 85 days were we should have been married. 85 days where I have cried. Where I have tried To stay optimistic. Where I have convinced myself you wouldn’t actually forget about us. Where you would miss me the way I miss you right now the way I miss you every second . But, all my faith has done nothing. It hasn’t brought you back. In fact we don’t even talk. Thanksgiving came and went. I thought for sure I would’ve heard from you. But I didn’t. And I haven’t. Not since those few days we spoke a few weeks ago. Not since the last time you said you were coming home. I must be foolish for still believing in you. For still believing in us. My hearts where it has always been. With you , in our home. But I don’t know where your heart is?.You have said it is with me. But, you build me up to break me down. and all this time my love has been unwavering. Tell me my love , am I wasting my time ? Do you not feel the same heartache that I do day in and day out ? Surely  your words must hold some truth, right? Maybe I'll wait a little longer for you . They say nothing good comes easily . Maybe all this pain will be worth it in the end. I don't mind crying over you , for you are worth every tear I shed. But, do you still shed a tear for me ? When you think of me , does your heart ache that we are apart ? Do you imagine our wedding day the way I do ? So I'll just wait , just a little longer .    There’s a deep void in the sky tonight. Just like Every night there is. But I am hopeful, hopefully you will remember before you forget completely.  Because I ? I have never forgotten. 

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