My Diagnosis
Location
I don't remember much from the hospital
The white walls
The smell of clean diseases
The prick of a needle in my arm
The dizziness becoming clear again
I don't remember when the doctor told me
I had type one diabetes
I was in a haze
In the ICU
On the first day of freshman year
I remember coming home
A quiet song playing over the radio
As silent tears fell down my face
As the realization hit me
I would never be normal
I remember laying on the floor
Of the kitchen in our new house
Looking at carbs
Numbers, high numbers
And the dread of the needle I would now have to inject
I don't remember my first day of school
The feeling of being terrified
The heavy backpack
The nervousness of being excluded
But I found friends
I remember the first session with my therapist
Severe depression
She said
I was in denial
And I was
I remember today
The struggle of poking my sensetive stomach with a needle
The struggle of making myself do it
The new therapist telling me it's PTSD
Telling myself to do it anyway
And not doing it
I will remember the day
When I can prick my finger without flinching
When I can put that needle in and not care
When I can walk into an ICU again
When I don't get scared because I can control this
I know I can