Mr. Nigger

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Mr. Nigger (A Mask I'm Forced to Wear)
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Five in the morning and I rise
Eat breakfast
T.V. says five more have fallen…
Turn it off and catch my ride to school
Always the first to arrive

I must seize opportunity before they seize me
My teacher sees me
I run errands before class starts
I am helpful and polite
If I am anything else I might cause fright
“He’s not making himself useful!”
“He’s not smiling!”
“He’s not joking!”
I must always clear my throat of the fears on which I’m choking

If I enjoy being me I am lying
If I choose to lie I don’t enjoy being me
My personality reduced to a color
And my peers find it funny to call me brother

“Is your dad the white one or is it your mother?”
“This nigger is so white!”
Cuts to me are ever so slight
Not black enough
But not “good enough” to call white

Too fed up to seize the day now
But can’t go out at night
Safe now but they’re waiting now
If I dial 9-1-1 I’ll be taken in
And it all swirls in the back of my mind as I take it in

I’m walking home with shivers down my spine
“Its fine.”
Not fine…

I live where people don’t pull triggers
But underneath fake smiles I’m called Mr. Nigger

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