there’s a darkness that dwells

under the sheets that i sleep in,

filling the void with an emptiness.

it reeks of burning ice and rotten dreams

and some nights it threatens to suffocate me.

 

i won’t dangle my feet off the edge of the bed

and i struggle to walk in my room after the lights flick out

because it's no longer trapped when darkness spills

to every corner and every wall.

 

a voice in the back of my head urges me to run

faster

       faster

              always faster

yet never fast enough.

then jump

       for the love of god

               jump!

don’t give it the chance...

 

my bed groans in protest,

rocking with momentum

       but i am safe

the monster didn’t win tonight

       but one night,

              it just might

 

the sunlight keeps it at bay,

i can do anything i want when that illuminating orb hums in the sky.

dripping my soul onto paper,

i watch colors drain from my veins,

disturbing the once milky white of a deceased tree.

words flow like water,

sometimes meager as a stream,

other times with enough force to bring rulers to their knees

and crumble ancient worlds to ruins before my eyes.

 

it stayed this way for years,

until one night i had had enough.

it'd been a long week

filled with assignments of

science

logic

cold hard facts

that left no room for argument or imagination

 

i didn’t have energy to describe how blue sounds

or how happiness tastes

and i definitely didn’t have energy

for it.

 

there was no light in my room to turn off

as i shuffled solemnly to my bed,

face planting into rough sheets.

the darkness matched my mood,

i welcomed its blanketing ambiguity

and just like that,

it was gone.

 

i didn’t miss it,

not at first at least.

not until the day i stared at a blank page

and only found emptiness inside.

it didn’t matter how many times

i racked my brain

or stood upside down,

no color was found.

 

it took weeks

long weeks

tiring weeks

lonely weeks.

 

the next time i felt it under my bed

i nearly cried in relief.

funny,

the things we miss once they're gone.

maybe not it

but what it meant to me.

because all that horror

all those

       nasty

             squirming

                    fears

as long as they're here

as long as it is here

the universe is at my fingertips.

 

now,

i could not be more grateful

for the being under my bed.

and how strange to think

the monster should be thanked.

but it taught me that

there's beauty in destruction

and serenity in chaos.

one cannot exist without the other,

because for a cure

one must first drink the poison…