I Have the body of a god

Unfortunately, that god… is Buddah

I'm a big girl

Have been for my entire life. 

Like a giant red flag I stood out

Short and stout here is my handle here is my spout

With bleach blond hair in a sea of brown

nobody doin’ nothin' but bringing me down in grade school

Chubby. they said

Fat. they said

 

13 years old thought i'd be bold

cut my hair up to here but no matter what…

the crude comments continued and i turned cold

I turned to music and turned to books. Escaping the insults and dirty looks

into a world of my own imagination far way from the hate and degradation

Where my size 20 was the new size 4 acting like i wasn't hurt to my core

Shaken and bruised inside 

I wondered 'Why God? How much more… Do i have to endure?" 

Fat ass. they said

Lesbian. the said

 

High school looking for this myth theycalled love

for a boy to call me beautiful for one to think i was worth something

But my knights in shining armor were nothing but losers in tin foil

smooth talkers guitar rockers 

with their caramel colored skin drawn me in asking where i have been all of their lives

playin with my emotions causin' a commotion 

inside me. 

making me think that i found the one

…only to leave me with nothing to show but i broken heart and some broken hopes

My breaking point struck and that mind state stuck.

the one that said 

STOP!

 

the one that kept saying 'you aint nothin'

'you aint nothin'

'you aint nothin'

Dyke. they said 

Whore. they said

Somewhere in a doughnut shop Jenny Craig WEEPS they said

 

popping pills in doses that kill

hearts carved into my hands cuts anywhere i could hide them

Food became the enemy. avoided it like the plauge

irreversible damage

incurable sorrow preying to God please don't bring tomorrow.  

Im tired of the sneers, tired of the pain

tired of the words that burned my ears

like my own personal hell, i couldn't escape.

Until one day, i met MY soul mate!

 

not the kind that brings flowers chocolates and gold

but the one who brings glory to the young and old

my heavenly father, the man i call god

the one that says, "its ok that you're flawed"

You're perfect to me, and of my design, I have ’the one' here in the back of my mind

they are on their way, just give it some time.

They'll find your curves beautiful instead of repulsive

but the only way to find them or to even come close is

come closer to me, let me into your heart. 

let ME in and i'll give you a new start

 

nearly 50 pounds down, but I'm still round

the difference  is though? It's not longer my weakness

i don't care what you say! the only one who matters is the one that made me this way!

So take your words, your insults, your jokes, your stares, your glares 

and for all i care

and for all i care

AND FOR ALL I CARE

Stick it where the sun don't chine cause i'll tell you one thing 

This heart

This mind 

This night 

This life

This time

This BODY is MINE