I remember how I used to be;
all the same, I remember who I used to want to be.
Suffering from an identity crisis and trying to find myself again;
but, this time with my own advices.
I want to be able to stand on my own two feet,
look into the eyes of others without feeling weak,
and love without feeling incomplete.
I want to walk into a full room and know that they're not all laughing at me.
Becuase I want to believe that me, in my own strength,
have walked beautifully,
through lonely days and lonely nights,
times when nothing seemed to be going right,
Seasons when I was dying inside but kept saying .."I'm aight".
See, like any other woman, I want to be loved...
but in my case I long to be understood.
To know that I could overstand, if only I would understand,
that I have to love myself before I can think about loving a man.
But at the end of the day,
that leads to degredation--
a self imposed form of unmotivation--
moving on and causing a temporary case of emotional depression,
caused by a series of shitty events that I can't
and only some that I can control.
I'll continue to hold my post.
Sitting by the window watching the many smiling human bodies
be full of motivation , inspiration , aspiration ..
and mentaly shake my head,
asking myself.. when will I let myself join this nation?
When will I learn to accept my flaws?
When will I accept the notion of loving me, for me--
not because a religion told me told,
not because a book wrote for me to,
not because you want me to,
..but simply because, I want to?