Sometimes I wonder where you are

Whether you still remember us and how we were

And whether I can climb into a big yellow taxi

And tell them to take me

To you

Where you smelt like fresh winter soap

Where the heft of the world sank somberly onto your shoulders

But how your smile seeped into your words when you shrugged

Where you breathed in the hollow of smoke

Just to forget

And drowned within the toxin of giddy drink

To dream awake

Oh, I would have been yours forever

Even if I knew you couldn’t do the same

But the acres of my heart still spin so dizzily to your voice

That splatter of vivid color that lulled to slumber

How you blinked so puppy eyed to my exclamations

How your laugh ran high, that bitter rum, so gorgeously into my lungs

I did say,

Sir, take me to the boy

Who couldn’t sleep at night because a carnival ignites in his head

Who listened to my words like they were candy

Woven sweetly by the strings of soft cotton

Our soft murmurs inking into the blank of drifting shadows

He spat high strung lies onto my ruddy cheeks

So my tears could bleach them white

But, how I loved you

I loved how I could break myself into half

Yet be complete with the other half of you

And hated how I never found another like you

I hated how the stars stung salty with the taste of your skin deep within my mouth

How other boys held the same name as yours

So daintily pricking into the dead of my senses

Your name, you

Forever never.

How I could feel you a million times over

Yet die every time I did

I knew you’d leave

And I did be left with the bitter on my lips

So bitter, so angry

Forever reddened on those lips

It’s just I never found another like you

Another like me.

Are we not meant to be

With the ones

we feel so drenched in with