Love, as seen from inside a disorder

​Your body is my safe haven.

I'm craving the sweetness of your skin on my lips craving

the taste of love and living.

I talk about you too much, name rolls off of my

lips like my resistance rolls away at your touch. 

I talk about you too much, make a fool out of myself because your

story is the only book I take off the shelf anymore bought

tickets to the same show again tonight 

bough tickets to a movie I didn't want to see just to 

have you next to me. 

my body rarely relaxes,

but have I ever told you that my joints dont hurt when I'm wrapped in your arms,

have I ever told you my joints don't hurt when I'm curled up in your arms, 

have I ever told you that theres no pain when you're pressing me into the mattress.

Have I ever told you that your body is my most effective pain killer yoour voice

is my

favorite flavor of anti-depressant, 

urges lose urgency when you're next to me, 

My chest tightens as I write this and theres tears in my eyes because I just realized 

I need you. 

just realized that you are the soft spot to my sharp life.

I wish I wasn't made of broken glass, we touch and you are unaware that my soul is bare 

and so sharp and you could cut yourself so easily but we embrace so carefully the mesh of flesh and

my broken glass body leaves no scars. 

it is my birthday and you are playing with my siblings and I love you and you are beautiful, so dark, so soft, so kind

for a momentI believe I can see our whole future stretched out in front of us, and there you are, 

our child in your arms there you are, so much more than the sum of your parts

so much more than anyone ever told you, did anyone ever tell you you were worth so much more than words could expresss

I watch you undress and you are uncomfortable in your skin

and I want to kiss every crease and curve and like my tongue skip along each firing nerve

Let your body be more than I deserve.

I dont believe in magic

but some days I can see our future stretched out like a red carpet

and it is red like blood and red like wine and red like roses 

And I see you 

dancing in my kitchen 

and I see you, stumbling into my room, 

exhaustion in your eyes and your heart on your sleeve and

I see you

asleep in my arms with the other sister playing in the back ground 

and though my legs are falling asleep I do not wake you. 


How come yours is the only touch that soothes instead of seers?

You're the only mystery I don't need an answer to,

the only problem I dont want solved. 

You're the only mystery I dont need an answer to, the only problem I don't want solved .

You're a disorder I dont want diagnosed because no description could ever come close to proper classification

you are a seperate location from the kind of reality I live in, you are a vacation from being myself 


Baby you're the only pain killer that ever gave me any relief

loving you is the only form of worship in which I put my faith

You make me want to be a worse person because I know you'll love me anyhow

and it doesn't make sense but neither do you and neither do we and

its okay 

I love that. 

no explanation, just exploration, 

love with no disclamier

love with no exposition and no explaining

love with no exposition, no explaining, no training, no explaining 

just two women

being awful 

being beautiful 

being their best and their worst and you are the first time I bothered to quit looking for a reason behind the rhythm of your heart beat and just laid my head against your chest and 




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