Lost in the Right Direction

This time last year, the only thing I liked about myself was my persistence.


I spent far too many hours crying over who I wish I was,


rather than focusing on how amazing I really am


I remember the sadness tearing through my soul, one layer at a time.


I was lost and I was alone and I was confused.


I went into this year believing I was worthless,


and I am leaving it knowing my worth.


I keep finding myself telling people,


"I'm not the same girl you used to know."


And they act like they are sorry for me.


"Oh, I'm sure you are. What could you have changed?"


I do not want the pity or the questions.


Changing is the best thing to have ever happened to me,


and it happened during softball season.


I sat the varsity bench every game. All three months.


Other stuff happened, too, sure.


But that is why I realized just how much I deserved to thrive.


My coach was responsible for benching me in softball,


but I take responsibility for benching myself in my life.


If  I didn't like what my coach did to me, why did I do it to myself?


It has taken years to find the confidence to not just survive in this life, but to conquer it.


This time last year the only thing I liked about myself was my persistence.


Now, my favorite thing about myself is my ability to love myself.


To love yourself is to give yourself the world,


And I'm so glad I found my world along the way.


The world I found is far from perfect, but at the very least, it is happy.


I am still confused, and I am still lost,


but at least it is in the right direction.



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