So I was chilling in the darkest of places today…
Giving myself to others,
with nothing to gain in return,
just silently watching my energy burn.
Until it is lights out completely.
And my living room which was once full of bright light,
is now completely dark and dead.
My light bulbs began to dim when I was young,
then high school, year after year, at least two lights went out.
After the rape, total blackout,
and I decided that I wouldn’t go to the power company and ask to be restored.
Shut, lock and lose the key to the door…
of my heart.
Watching myself build this wall,
just for people to ask me to let it fall.
Don’t you see all of my hard work?
Aren’t you proud of me?
Just tell me you’re proud,
so that I can go on living my dark life alone and silently.
But you just won’t quit,
Leave me alone! Let me sit!
Let me sit in my sadness and depression,
I’m really not in the mood for this whole therapy session.
You want me to express my emotions,
but every time I do it, it sends them in motion,
in the other direction.
So I built this wall as my protection.
See, aren’t you proud of me?
I’ve made it so that they can’t see.
You’re not proud.
I apologize for not speaking my emotions aloud.
The room is beginning to become lit up,
that’s it Lord I give it all up.
I just called Beacon of Light Power,
and the electrician’s name is Jesus.
I understand you want me fully,
and I’m giving all of myself this time, no doubt.
Power has been restored , no more lights out.