One time I came home from a night of distracting myself from eating, with friends

I parked the car and came skipping up the front steps

My left hand fumbled around in my pocket for like five minutes and the cold metal finally sent sensations to my fingers as I loosely pulled it out of my bag

Too soon I lost it again as it slipped through my fingers

Here I was giggling over this entire scene

All of this struggling just to get into the house of entrapment of questions and familia trying to make me eat

The key toppled from my fingers and metal clashed metal as it hit the railing and took the suicidal leap off the stairs onto the front lawn

Still giggling, I skipped back down the stairs

But what it looked like was a

dizzy disoriented teen

Clutching onto the railing for stability

for that one last attempt of control of her mind

Imagine what the neighbors thought as they watched me through their imported curtains

I was barely legal to drive

And I definitely hadn’t been old enough to drink

Let alone make a symbiotic relationship between the two

It was light headed amusement