People say I have 

friends

folks who care

But when it comes down to what I need

want

They suddenly disappear

Vanishing 

like the wind

So now I cry in silence

Tears 

slip down my cheeks

as I wish for someone

anyone

to let me cry on their shoulder

I close my eyes and imagine the life that 

I pretended was mine

I had a smiling father

But no longer was it so

But I pretend it’s still

Pulling my knees closer

pretending they're someone who 

cares

I've been alone

I've felt alone

But every night I truly am alone

Emptiness swallows me whole

Consuming me

I gasp for air as I get my life 

sucked from me

Left with nothing

no one

I no longer hold childhood innocence

I'm battered and bruised

so much tormenting

pain and suffering

stay long in my memory for all eternity

Never to escape my gravely chains

Always to crawl back to that

cold dark place

Letting go of the happiness

I once had and spent so freely

Love  that came and passed

Though here 

I know that love

joy are all things that I'll never hold again

Every morning I slip on my face

Pulling the false person 

over my dead sunken eyes

Putting on a show for all to see

I go back after peeling the skin off

Letting the deep purple circles take over my eyes

Paleness is left to eat my tanned skin

Dazed I walk

think

Everything's a nightmare

No matter what skin I'm in

Then I see the light 

once 

twice

soaking it in

Letting myself go

Forgetting the darkness that had let me see 

for one moment

No one will or will ever see the skin under 

what they believe is me

No one can relive the pain I suffer through 

night after night after night

I’ll laugh smile but once

I retreat back to the dark cold place

Tears will fall from closed eyes

Screams escape lips

but never to be heard

Curses yelled but at no one

When I rest my head

I cover myself in a blanket of sorrow

Sleep consuming  by the pain

Darkness is so lonely quiet

sad

but every once and a while

there's light