Planting seeds is easy when you all you do is watch.

It becomes embedded very early that alter to this path you'd 

be awash.

Later on things seem normal, in the family home .

Given the rules to be in by 6pm, is OK by me. 

Yet when talking to other's out there in the world it is met

with much shock and unbelievablility. 

This is the start of the changes in my world,

how can it feel so odd to be?.

To want to live my life this way, yet at home I'm proven wrong.

I feel vulnerable and uneasy in the world today 

Oh please can you help steer the way.

The model I've been given from the start seems to clash 

with what's out there.

Oh why oh why do I feel distance, from those around me. 

Maybe it was something that happened so long ago,

something to the opposite of thee. 

When I try to talk about what's inside I am faced with

internal incredulity. 

How can I break out this mould that has certainly built a cage

around me. 

Looking back over my life I can now see the score. 

Mental illness, the 1980's, and a broken home -

do I need to say more?

Running away is not an option, for years this was to be.

Feeling tired, worn out and angry became my master key. 

Having a go at talking, talking in therapy.

The chairs became a many, to hurtful to keep a tab,

One thing I learned was painful that digging so much wasn't fab.

Left with no other option than to figure out where I went wrong.

Time, healing and writing now seem to work.

Trying to change the person, the person I came to see.

Undoing all the tangles has certainly been harder than a degree.

Yet step by step its happening with thoughts of clarity.

Who I am now becoming, fuck it, just enjoy the journey.