L-a-n-g-u-a-g-e Loss

Alyza Garcia

 

A loss in language has cost me my last goodbye

Lost is my native tongue in the process of assimilation

Gone are parts of my identity during my journey in immigration

What I had as a child, fled like small sparks of ember

I have lost my roots in the chaos of colliding worlds.

 

 

I did not fight it, but I sure as hell regret it-

my loss of language, my loss of communication

to the place where I came from,

to the people who raised me,

to the culture that gives me an identity.

 

 

I subconsciously acquiesced to the-

w-o-r-d-s, the p-h-r-a-s-e-s, the s-e-n-t-e-n-c-e-s of the English language

Without protest, I adapted to the structure of letters, the foundations of grammar,

and the composition of the English speech  

 

 

I have lost my roots in the chaos of colliding worlds.

I was not able to balance two realities on the palms of my hands

So one existent matter dominated the other

Soon my indigenous vocabulary was replaced with something I still find foreign

To this day, the distortion, the unevenness of these two worlds of past and present

Has left me lost in the abyss of being in between

 

 

A loss in language has cost me my last goodbye to her.

The moment I had my last chance to hear my grandmother’s voice

I hurt her with the silence of refusing to talk to her over the phone

I refused to speak with her because

a wave of guilt and shame crashed

and washed me away from her.

 

 

I lost the ability to speak the same language that we both shared

We no longer spoke with the same tongue.

So in some ways we became strangers

And that’s what hurts the most.

 

 

The next phone call from my home half way around the world,

My Lola could not even ask to hear my voice

She no longer had the ability to utter words of love,

or any word, in that matter.

Because her eyes had shut and her soul had rested.

I lost my roots in the chaos of a loss in language

And it has cost me my last goodbye with my Lola.