I've Been Lost
I’ve been lost, wandering around in the dark
Silently begging for someone to come
To lead me out of the dark woods
Shine a light to show me the path out
With a strong hand to keep me from stumbling.
But all people saw were the laughs and smiles
But underneath the surface
I was shivering in water as cold as the forbidden below 50 ice bath.
When you looked past the painted on smile
Actually looked me in the eyes
You saw what I had been hiding
Yet secretly hoping someone would notice.
That although life can be sunny some days
Sometimes the clouds last longer than you expect.
They slowly steal your warmth
Till you are stuck wearing last winter’s coat
With holes that won’t keep the demons out
From your skin and your heart
But also your head.
Because your head is where they reside most.
And bring up all your past failures as solid ghosts.
And the slow drizzle of rain that won’t stop
Soak right through that mislabeled water proof jacket
That I ignorantly bought.
But you lent me your already warmed coat and your ears as well.
To insulate me from the winter winds that my mind blows at higher speeds
Than freeway traffic.
You didn’t just point the way out and yell go
You walked through the woods with me and stared down the demons that sometimes posses my mind.
Saying you understand without making me feel small
Instead you sit upon the wall
The wall that I made out of my frustrations and fears and dreams.
The wall that I constantly battle but never quite make it over.
People say when you run you sometimes hit the wall but for me I begin the run by sitting atop the wall,
Faltering on the edge of indecision between the known and the unknown.
I always seem to fall for the known.
I choose the familiar even if it hurts because familiar is safer than the uncharted territory
That could lead me farther into the already blackened woods that I earn to escape.
I falter and struggle over what seems trivial
So when you let me ramble and cry
Without heaving an impatient sigh
It means more than you can know.
Just a solid arm around my shoulder
Saying you’re not alone.
And you matter.
That makes all the difference.
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