I want to start off by saying its hard being a

Colored Girly-Girl

People have no idea

Unless you are one,

Then you know my pain

 

The number one rule

According to my mom is

“It’s all about the hookup”

That means you need to dress for your

Body type

But more so,

Dress for you because it makes you happy

 

I love my high heels

[But my cheetah boots are my favorite]

They make my legs look endless

Until it reaches my “apple bottom”

They help me sit and stand up straight

And Carmen and Electra have a good time

Standing out

But after a long day

9 + hours walking in them

They leave my feet aching

However, I did look good though

 

A made up face is how I usually leave the room

I like glitter in my hair

And sparkles on my eyes

I think Rihanna was singing about girls like me

We love to shine bright like diamonds

 

But beauty has its price

And I’ve paid my debt

In cold hard pain

 

I was raised to act like a lady

Even though,

In my adolescence years

I rebelled

I used to say

“I don’t care what people think when they see me”

 

It started when I was 14,

I gave into peer pressure

Desperate to fit in with both the

White and Black groups

Living a double life

Trying to avoid all stereotypes

 

Criticized by the Blacks

Because I was “so proper”

And I was labeled as one of

Oxon Hill’s finest “Oreo’s”

 

The Whites welcomed me with open arms

As long as I didn’t display

The “ghetto” behavior

Guess what?

I had one of their Aussy men

He saw me when I was invisible

Then I was somewhat accepted among that group of friends

 

But no one knew what was really up

Because behind closed doors

Emotional, Sexual, and Physical

Scars were made

That never came to light until

The end of a weak era

Where I let an abusive tyrant run

My life

 

Desperate to be thinner

Obsessed with sticking

My finger, toothbrush, and straws

Down my throat

Abused the use of diet pills

Because my tyrant and society to me that

Thinner is beautiful

When I was 17,

I had shed quite a bit of weight

 

For the next two years of life,

Kept going back and forth

To what I thought was love

With my sexy abusive prince

Then finally I had to walk away

 

But let’s fast forward to now

It was shown in...

“The Bright Smile”

 

So where are we now?

Well, here are some things that I just

Can’t stand

 

When people see me

They automatically make assumptions about me

You see, until I was 18

I didn’t really recognize the racism that existed

Maybe I did but I really did not want to

But going to a Predominately White School

Opened my eyes to a whole new world

 

I couldn’t walk into the 711 without being watched carefully

Walk down the street to Dairy Queen and not have someone yell at me

Freshmen year, I swore up and down that I entered was Klan Country

 

Being the token person of color in every class was

Something I had to get use too

People had made assumptions that I was from a DC Hood

Because I made my presence known by being loud a lil obnoxious at times

But I know I have something that no one else on this campus could possibly touch

My pretty girl swag that caught the eye of students, faculty, and staff

The way I strut around like I got it like that

And baby, do I?

 

Getting into this womanly confidence

Didn’t come for free

You want to know something?

 

Here’s the true confession of a colored girly-girl

I cannot rely on just my looks to get me by

I’m tall and curvy

But I’m not White, Blonde, Tall and Skinny

I have to work twice as hard as three White women put together

 

Just because I gave one good performance

Doesn’t mean I’m talented based off of that

I know that I’m talented but I have to prove myself each and every time

Because of the copper skin tone

 

The people of the world expect me to play a role

Not just any role

But Mammie, Sapphire, or Jezebel

 

When I’m helping with events

Because I am making sure everyone is okay

And have everything that they need

I’m Mammie,

The homemaker and housewife

My only purpose is to serve my guests

I never talk back

But I’m a slave to my own home

Hoping for a way out

 

If I am speaking loudly or challenging someone

Yes, you’ve guessed it!

I’m Sapphire

Because I’ve got bass in my voice

And I challenge or call you on something

I’m the woman who doesn’t care what you have to say

But wants to make sure that my point is heard

There’s something else to Sapphire that many people don’t know

Sapphire is about business and making sure her money is straight

She’s professional and doesn’t tolerate BS

When she’s on her game and giving it to you straight

You consider her to be rude and a bitch

Because Sapphire is a woman,

But if she had a penis,

She would then be “HE” and labeled as “The Man”

Everyone aspires to be

 

When I’m feeling sexy

And I want to show some skin

So I throw on a skin tight dress

That accentuates my curves

Strap on a pair of stilettos

Holding my curls with spritz

Lining my lips

Scented with Coco Chanel No. 5

When you see me,

I may be that girl from a wild fantasy

Where I may have satisfied your hormones

While on a ride of pure ecstasy

But you look at me as if I’m going to be

Tonight’s bed wench

Yes, I’m Jezebel

 

When it comes to relationships

Men want to you be a lot of Mammie

And cater to them

Be Jezebel when it’s time to pleasure a certain stick

Some men like Sapphire

But most of them think she needs to be hidden

 

I’m seen as all three of these women

Because that is what society has told people

That these are the only type of black women

 

But I’m a Strong Black Woman

My fellow strong sistas know our creed

“We don’t always do what we want to do, but we do what we have to do in order to survive”

 

On this campus,

It’s a game of survival everyday

When you’re a student of color

Doors are being shut

You want me to spread my wings like Ernie

But you won’t let me express my true freedom of speech

 

Then you wonder why I barely walk into the offices

Of complete hypocrites

Or why I barely speak

 

So let me introduce you to the woman that you see.

Introducing...

You to a woman who was had been torn down

               And had to build herself back up

A woman who put her faith in the physical man

               Instead of the one who sits up high

 

A woman who believed that she needed

               A man  and people to complete her

To a woman who keeps smiling

               Through all the pain and suffering

 

A woman that cares more about other people

               Than herself

To a woman that wouldn’t let people

               Hear her cry for help

 

To the woman that you see

               Stand before you today

So let me take a moment to introduce myself

 

Hello, you may not know me

But let me make my presence known

I’m not Lyte as a Rock

And I don’t go chasing waterfalls

I don’t creep

I am the woman that your folks hope you someday meet

 

I’m a woman who likes to be in control

Because I’ve spent most of my life being controlled by a man

And relinquishing that power

I’m that woman that knows what she wants

And I am not afraid or ashamed to say so

I rarely hold my tongue

And not say what’s on my mind

Because if I do,

Who will speak up?

 

I am T.C. Heard to be exact

And I will forever let it be known

Now I’m gonna get you hip to my flow

 

I refuse to let any man or woman

Think that they can control me

Last I checked,

Hmmmmmm….

I don’t serve you

You didn’t die for my sins

 don’t need you, you, you

Or you

To complete me

Or validate the fact that I’m beautiful

So when you tell me

               [*cough* *cough* men…]

That I am, don’t get mad or catch an attitude

When I reply with “Thank you, I know.”

‘Cause honey, let me tell you

If I could, I would hang mirrors

All around my room

Just to bask in the greatness of my beloved gift

That I’ve been graced with

Oh, I would

Don’t get me wrong,

I’m far from perfect

And trust me, I don’t pretend to be

Sometimes, I want to lose a pound... or two… maybe even a few

Didn’t like the person staring back at me in my reflection

Wish I was different and hope to be as great as my idols

My grandmamma told me

               “Honey, you just gotta work with whatcha got!”

So I say again,

My name is T.C. Heard

And oh yes, boo-boo

I let it be known

I just wanted you to get hip to my flow

Just so you know,

From now on,

Think before you speak

About the false judgments

You may have about me